John Cena Drags, Slimes Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Promo

Entertainment, Featured  

John Cena just broke new ground in the entertainment industry by proving that dressing up in drag and playing an entire family of people is not just a job for Tyler Perry or Eddie Murphy.

In Keeping Up with the Cenas, John Cena employs his broad comedic talents to take selfies, pee on the floor, and make out with himself. It’s truly boundary-pushing cinema.

Similar to The Nutty Professor or every Madea movie, Cena dresses up like himself, his mother, his father, his grandmother, his son, his daughter, his infant child, and his dog (who inexplicably pees slime) — and it’s all incredibly hilarious because Cena wears a dress.

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It’s dumb, broad, and borderline offensive, but it’s also sort of squeamishly cathartic to see Cena’s face get creamed on … by slime. You see, this is all to promote his role as the host of the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards for the second time in a row. It’s also presumably so that we can be blessed with the image of a giant John Cena head superimposed onto a baby body.

But why do we need Keeping Up with the Cenas now, in this economy? What makes this short arthouse film culturally essential at this exact juncture in 2018?

And why, in this alternate universe, is breast milk the same color and consistency as dog piss? And does everyone else in this universe also look like John Cena? Is it like the Truman Show, but all the actors paid to simulate everyday human life are actually just clones of John Cena? Are the John Cena clones becoming sentient? Will they escape the world of this parody universe and interrupt the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards to violently rebel against their creators? Are we the true villains for not rescuing them from their parody prison?  

Anyway, the Kids’ Choice Awards happen March 24.



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