Fudge it to heck! The Powers That Stream just announced that Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt will not return for a fifth season after this year. If this is their idea of a joke, then they belong in a Woody Allen film because we’re not laughing.
If you didn’t understand that two of those sentences were Kimmy Schmidt references, then you can go ahead and blimp right out of town. Third reference!
According to Deadline, the Emmy-nominated and widely praised Netflix series will wrap up after the upcoming fourth season with a TV movie written by series co-creators Tina Fey and Robert Carlock. Pardon our French, but … Beyonce!
This is, of course, devastating news for anyone who has waited so long for Season Four that their Rachel has started to Phoebe, or for anyone who regularly uses the following terms:
Snowbesity: When you don’t know if someone is fat because they are wearing a winter coat.
Midnight Eastern Gay Time: A new name for 3 a.m.
Crotch fruit: Your kid or kids.
Pocket butthole: A scrunchie that is located in your back pocket.
This is in addition to the news we’ve already learned about season four being broken up into two sets of episodes — the first six of which will drop May 30, and the last seven of which will drop at an undecided future time. What in the ham sandwich?
But since females (and femmes) are strong as hell, we can no doubt expect that series stars Ellie Kemper, Jane Krakowski, Carol Kane, and Tituss Burgess will bounce back from this filth bucket. If anything, we can probably expect Burgess to star in many more Beyonce parody videos, whether it’s for a TV show or not.
However, if you need something to make this news go down easier, don’t look to us for sympathy. We’re not running a charity here, except for the one where we donate our old towels to poor people with the same initials as us. Boom, eighth reference! (*Pumps fist into air and holds it there for ten seconds while grinning widely*)