We always assumed that in order to get kicked out of a country club, you’d have to: (a) accidentally misquote Caddyshack, (b) maliciously set fire to a VHS copy of The Legend of Bagger Vance, or (c) be friends with more than one Muslim. But thanks to Trump crony, sentient fart and recipient of the world’s…
Since the beginning of his presidency, Donald Trump has inflicted nothing but sheer terror and brutality on the LGBTQ population. But now, he’s officially gone too far. Donald Trump is about to make it not OK for us to use the word “breeder.” In another of his morning poop rants yesterday, Trump railed against immigrants…
In today’s installment of “WTF is going on in China,” the country recently banned and then un-banned a bunch of gay content on its messaging platform Weibo, which is essentially Twitter but with less Donald Trump rants. After announcing on Friday that it would soon purge “pornographic, violent and gay-themed cartoons, pictures, videos and articles”…
With his sad eyes, frowny stare, and salt n’ pepper seriousness, James Comey isn’t the kind of guy you’d expect to sit down for a kiki. But alas, he was the life of the kiki last night when he sat down with George Stephanopoulos for a shadefest of historical proportions on “20/20.” In addition to…
In the first ever occasion of “The National Enquirer” and “serious news” being associated together in the same article, the Associated Press reported today that the Enquirer once paid a doorman $30,000 to keep him quiet about information that would have hurt Donald Trump’s campaign. Reportedly, the recipient of the hush money — a former…
Sensing that the American poor would soon have no more money left for him to steal, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced Wednesday that he would not seek re-election in November. The announcement came mere days after the revelation that America would soon be $1 trillion in debt, meaning working class Americans would soon…
President Donald Trump started Wednesday morning like any adult baby – scared, confused, and lacking control over his own fingers. First, the 71-year-old loofah fired off a surprising tweet about Russia and Syria, vowing to send “smart” missiles at Syria and daring Russia to stop him. “Get ready Russia, because they will be coming, nice…
Yesterday, thanks to an unexpectedly poetic would-be fluff piece from People Magazine, we received a hilarious, disconcerting gaze into the ironic life of Melania Trump. In the piece, which nominally set out to cover Melania’s “listening session” with a group of middle-school students on Monday, a “tumbling water glass” became a sublime, literary metaphor for…
Facebook Inc. Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg will finally face the music today when he steps in front of the Senate Judiciary, Commerce, Science and Transportation committees to discuss his company’s mishandling of data from up to 87 million unsuspecting Facebook users. Reportedly, the Zuck will apologize for said mishandling of data and “show contrition” for…
Half the world is jealous of her and the other half is figuring out how to Single White Female their way into her life — so what’s a royal princess to do with all that attention? One-up the haters, obvi. As critics across the land continue to waste their money on Cheetos and Adderall for…
