Dreamy Trudeau Sets Apology For Persecuted Canadian Gays

Featured, Politics  

Living next to Canada is like a real-life version of the “Distracted Boyfriend” meme — you know, the one where the guy is walking with his girlfriend before he sees a hotter woman and ogles her. In our case, Trump is our (needy, hideously deformed) girlfriend and Justin Trudeau is the hotter girl.

Trudeau’s next sexually titillating political move, which he announced Sunday on Twitter, will be to “apologize for the persecution and injustices LGBTQ people have suffered” at the House of Commons next week. The address will supposedly be “the most comprehensive ever offered by any national government for past persecution of sexual minorities.”

The address will focus largely on the Canadian government’s past treatment of LGBTQ service members and government employees. From the 1950s until 1992, the Canadian government interrogated them and forced them into humiliating tests designed to out them as queer and expel them from the government.

Le sigh. It was only a month ago that President Trump spoke at the overtly anti-gay Values Voter Summit and crowed that “the times are changing back again” before telling the homophobic audience members they “will no longer be silenced.” He also casually and lovingly joked a few days afterwards that his Vice President, Mike Pence, wants to kill all gay people.

Guys, it’s time to dump our girlfriend.


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