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Emoluments $chemoluments: Qatar Buys Forth Trump Tower Property

Politics  

Remember when President Trump only banned Muslims from countries where he didn’t own property? And when he used his Trump hotels to unfairly shower benefits on United States allies? Well, neither of those actions were suspicious at all, and neither is the fact that the government of Qatar — a non-banned country — just bought a $6.5 million apartment in a Trump New York tower, thus putting money directly into Trump’s pockets. Nothing to see here, folks.

Happening just months after a federal judge in New York threw out a lawsuit alleging that Trump was breaching the emoluments clause, a.k.a. doing mad shady shit, whenever he was profiting from countries’ use of his properties, this new Trump deal is a sign that Trump and co. have decided to just openly use the most-respected position in the country to line their pockets.

A representative for Qatar claimed that the recent acquisition is “due to [the apartment’s] location, nothing more,” even though no one asked, while Jordan Libowitz, a spokesman for Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, argued, “This plays to the central concern with the president’s refusal to divest from his holdings — that he would be susceptible to influence from foreign countries invested in his businesses.” Meanwhile, Trump said, “What Qatar acquisition? I’ve been in bed all day. Go away.”

For those of our readership who have a hankering to hobnob with corrupt Qatarians, the property is part of a larger building that features an indoor swimming pool, spa, and living spaces designated for other corrupt officials — such as those from Afghanistan, India, and Saudi Arabia. There is also rumored to be a button in each apartment that, when pressed, sends money directly to Trump in exchange for years and years of reassurance from yourself and others that you’re not a terrible person who is slowly destroying democracy.  

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