Have you ever wanted to know what President Donald Trump would say in a gay porn with Vladimir Putin? Well, look no further than Putin It In Trump, which is a masterpiece of gay erotica that includes this actual sentence:
“Donald wanted the Russian to make his butthole great again.”
In fact, you can find a whole buttload of Trump-Putin porn on Amazon and slash-fiction sites if you just look hard enough. (By “look hard enough,” we literally just mean “type the words ‘Trump’ and ‘Putin’ into an Amazon search.) In addition to Putin It In Trump, there’s also Putin the Moves on Trump and Pootin on the Tramp: Tremendous Erotica, The Best Erotica. In fact, there are so many instances of Trump-Putin erotica on the web now that there is actually an entire academic niche dedicated to studying it.
Alison Rowley, a professor of Russian social history and author of Trump and Putin Sittin’ in a Tree: Material Culture, Slash and the Pornographication of the 2016 US Presidential Election, recently told Vice that these very graphic and satirical stories first popped up in August 2016 as a reaction to Trump’s many sexualized gaffes.
“Trump has managed to turn himself into a sexual being,” she explained. “Like when on the campaign he talked about the size of his penis. Or when he talks about grabbing women. You can talk about Trump and porn in the same sentence, and it’s believable.”
She also makes sure to note that Trump is “completely unaware that any of this [erotica] is happening,” which sort of makes sense, considering Trump’s aides are unlikely to include Trump-Putin erotic novels in his daily briefings, since they aren’t picture books.
Unfortunately, however, there are no other existing examples of international erotica starring political leaders — a coincidence that Rowley attributes to Americans’ increasing disillusionment with their government.
“When we talk about the way in which people’s respect for politicians has eroded in the past 20 years… Can you imagine anyone in the Reagan era having this kind of discourse? The answer’s really: No,” she says. “Now, it seems that anything is fair game. And I don’t know how you get the respect back.”
Along that vein, Rowley believes that Russia is probably loving all of this Putin-Trump erotica, since Putin always appears as the “strong man” top — a homophobic manifestation of Putin and Russia’s manipulative disdain for our President. But as for the people writing it, she thinks they’re just playful satirists and not necessarily homophobic.
“They’re taking something they think would upset Trump and his conservative supporters and they’re going as extreme as they can because they think it’ll have shock value,” she explains.
We’ll take her word for it — but only after we purchase one hundred copies of Putin It In Trump and create a petition begging it to be immediately inducted into the national literary canon.