chocolatesanta

Germans Not In Uproar Over Gay Chocolate Santa

Comedy  

As Starbucks braved yet another possible boycott, this time over possibly-lesbian hand holding on drink cups, German retailer Penny debuted a new holiday confection – a limited-edition, chocolate Zipfelmann, draped in a rainbow-striped wrapper to celebrate “diversity, tolerance, and love.”

Penny had informed their 285,000 Facebook friends that the chocolate figure was created to show solidarity with the LGBT community. The mascot’s name, Zipfelmann, translates to ‘tip man’ because of the character’s pointy hat. The response has been mostly positive. Mostly. One nasty Grinch stated, “Germany is throwing itself and its culture away. I could puke.” Many refused to see the latest candy St. Nick iteration as an end to civilization as we know it. “A colorful, hollow-bodied chocolate figure, that, yes, takes the form of Santa Claus – as so often mentioned in the Bible – and yet has no beard,” intoned one snarky social media poster.

Response to the sweet dude has “overwhelmed” the giant retailer who are happy to have touched people’s “rainbow hearts,” in their campaign for “anti-discrimination.”

Penny has a reputation for promoting messages of unity, including their powerful new commercial that urges estranged families, “However long the path might seem, it’s Christmas. Time to reconcile.”

Rumors of a pre-holiday hook-up between Zipfelmann and Father Christmas aka Weihnachtsmann have been proven baseless.

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