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High-Tech Underwear Promises To Protect Your Junk From Cell Radiation

Entertainment  

Among all the exhibition booths hawking newfangled tech-world goodies and gadgets at the 2018 Consumer Electronics Show (CES), a Las Vegas mainstay, the most creative product presented was from the startup company Spartan.

Spartan exhibited their “high-tech” brand of men’s underwear that goes far beyond a Hugo Boss two-pack. In truth, convention-goers were treated to a sight of Spartan reps actually modeling the briefs at their CES booth, touting that the specially manufactured undergarment protects precious man junk from harmful wireless radiation emitting from electronic devices ever-present in one’s hand or lap. A barrier of silver is woven into the fabric to make “an electromagnetic shield that blocks radiation from entering the boxer” and affecting male genitalia. Spartan claims over 30,000 boxers sold last year.

Why is this a serious concern? According to the Central European Journal of Urology in a study published in 2014, cellphone radiation can inhibit the “mobility of semen.” Ouch! The medical study warns:

“For men readying themselves for fatherhood, especially when registered fertility problems exist, it would be better to avoid holding a mobile phone in a trouser pocket for long periods of time.”

Perhaps by cramming one’s penis and testicles into a pair of protective Spartans, a cellphone and/or laptop can remain a man’s nonstop companion.

Needless to say, the modest-sized Spartan booth drew an impressive crowd of onlookers checking out the male models filling out the innovative underwear, in contrast to the tradition of sexy women trade-show models hired to lure consumers into exhibition booths. The most common inquiry was about comfort, which wearers of the Spartan product verbally and physically affirmed since they wore the boxers throughout the entire event. At this point, Spartan (and likely the rest of the CES exhibitors) is only marketing to men, as there hasn’t been much study on the effects of cellphone radiation on women’s reproductive health. You’re on your own, female electronic device users! At least we can ALL enjoy the Spartan vision.

 

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