McDonald’s Fries May Cure Hair Loss, For Realz


People who still have decent digestive health might indulge in a large order of McDonald’s Fries—510 calories, 24 grams of fat, surprisingly only 350 milligrams of sodium (the FDA recommends limiting daily sodium intake to 2,300 milligrams; please note a pack of Top Ramen noodles contains 1,820 milligrams of sodium).

Pishaw to those nutritional label facts, because researchers at the Yokohama National University in Japan have discovered in a recent study that an ingredient in the famously addictive fried potatoes could cure baldness! Dimethylpolysiloxane, an anti-foaming agent made of silicone, is a “robust and promising” chance for hair regrowth therapy. McDonald’s has been adding the 20-letter ingredient to their French fry cooking oil for immediate benefit of the hungry, but the eggheads who conducted the study have used it on hairless mice (hopefully not out of the scalding fryer) and have documented notable results. Their findings were published in the Biomaterials journal.

This isn’t the absolute salvation in combatting androgenic alopecia—there have been no human studies. Furthermore, dimethylpolysiloxane is not the sole magic key that will stimulate hair growth. In the study, it was used to create hundreds of vessels for (bio-engineered) hair follicle germs to grow. Baby mouse steps, but nevertheless interesting and clearly NEWSWORTHY since the breakthrough connects to McDonald’s.

Considering McDonald’s, it is quite curious that the Combover-in-Chief’s fast food consumption, in particular the artery-blocking meals from the Golden Arches, has been a popular topic since the publication of Michael Wolff’s Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House. Whatever the hell is really going on inside that misshapen old fart, despite the bogus-sounding report of his Walter Reed physical exam, has a lot to do with a daily dose of two Big Macs, two Filets-o-Fish, a chocolate shake, and quite likely at least one paper cup of dimethylpolysiloxane-containing fries. Trump, who makes cockroach-filled Oogie Boogie look attractive, might be finding extra solace in his nightly binges in that the French fry oil could one day grow him some mouse hair.


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