We always assumed that in order to get kicked out of a country club, you’d have to: (a) accidentally misquote Caddyshack, (b) maliciously set fire to a VHS copy of The Legend of Bagger Vance, or (c) be friends with more than one Muslim. But thanks to Trump crony, sentient fart and recipient of the world’s worst hair transplant Roger Stone, we’ve learned that Republican darlings can get kicked out of country clubs too.
Stone was slated to be the keynote speaker at the Okaloosa Republican Executive Committee’s annual Lincoln Reagan Day Dinner recently — a name that sounds made up, but is just very white — but then lost the gig after he talked shit about Barbara Bush in an interview with Alex Jones. It’s like a Douglas Carter Beane play but with straight people!
While talking to the Infowars host, Stone called the late Bush a “mean-spirited, vindictive drunk” who is “ascending into hell right now,” and insisted that “she was a bad person.” He then wrote on Instagram that “Barbara Bush drank so much booze, if they cremated her … her body would burn for three days.” To be fair, that would be a pretty solid burn (pun intended) if Stone were talking about anyone other than an elderly, by-no-means-perfect, American icon who had just died.
In light of the comments, Committee chairman Mark Franks announced the club had “ended [their] contract” with Stone. But then Stone pulled a Trump and claimed he had actually quit and not been fired.
“The day that some officious country club Republican in Fort Walton Beach tells me what I can and cannot say in public will be the day that hell freezes over,” Stone said from hell, which had frozen over.
Alas, we can only hope that Stone’s buddy Nixon is looking up from hell and chuckling ironically as he adjusts the “Roger Stone” place marker in the fire pit next to him. In Stone’s part of hell, the punishment will be that he is kicked out of a country club every hour of every day for the rest of eternity — and the quiche is cold, the Arnold Palmers are hot.