Rogue Twitter Employee Deletes Trump Account, World Rejoices

Featured, Politics  

Joining the likes of American heroes like Abraham Lincoln, Norma Rae, and that JetBlue flight attendant who quit his job by sliding down the airplane’s evacuation chute, a rogue Twitter employee is now being hailed as our country’s lord and savior.

The employee, who has not released her or his identity, deleted President Donald Trump’s Twitter account for eleven minutes Thursday — and the result was nothing less than eleven minutes of Elysian world peace. Twitter later followed up with a formal statement explaining that it had been the employee’s last day, but it’s unclear if the employee had been fired or had just decided to quit spectacularly. It’s also entirely possible that they had just won the lottery and had no more fucks to give.

It’s also unclear how the President handled the Twitter shutdown, or if he even knew about it. It’s entirely possible that, lacking Twitter, he just started walking down the sidewalk outside the White House and shouting unformed policy ideas at anyone who would listen.

In any case, Trump eventually responded to the incident by tweeting, “My Twitter account was taken down for 11 minutes by a rogue employee. I guess the word must finally be getting out-and having an impact.”

Hunty, what?? Dude, all of your tweets are blasted from literally every media outlet and website in the country. Obvi the word is getting out. The problem is that too many of your words get out and that they’re all stupid.

Also, can we discuss the inherent problem in this 11 minute shutdown? Reportedly, Twitter employees have the power to delete accounts at any time — as long as they violate company standards. But judging by this incident, they are also able to just shut down accounts out of spite. And don’t get us wrong: We’re super not complaining that we had 11 minutes of not worrying about nuclear war. But who’s to say that a rogue Twitter employee won’t try to shut down an account we actually care about? Or tweet something inflammatory from the President’s account? Wait, lol, the President already does that himself … but you see where we’re going with this, don’t you?

Supposedly, the rogue employee could be tried on hacking charges, but Twitter has yet to complete a full internal investigation. Fingers crossed it doesn’t end that way, and that the employee just gets a Medal of Honor from Barack Obama or something.

Here’s the JetBlue drama queen/hero’s story once again:


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