johnoliver

Russell Crowe Gifts John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Ward After Jockstrap Purchase

Comedy  

You learn something new every day, but today we learned more than we bargained for.

Our readership may recall our amusement a few weeks ago when it was announced that Russell Crowe was planning to auction off some of his belongings as part of his divorce from singer Danielle Spencer. But what really caught our attention was that Crowe was planning to include his jockstrap among those items.

Now, that jockstrap has finally found a home — in Alaska. And that is how our research rabbit hole begins.

You see, John Oliver of Last Week Tonight announced on his show in April that he had not only bought Crowe’s jockstrap but had donated it to the last remaining Blockbuster in Anchorage, Alaska. Most recently, on Sunday night’s episode, Oliver revealed that his plan had worked and that the Blockbuster was now proudly displaying Crowe’s jockstrap as part of a shrine to the actor.

Cue: Russell Crowe fans suddenly making a pilgrimage to their new Mecca: Anchorage, Alaska. The spot also has special significance to them because Crowe starred in the hockey comedy/drama Mystery, Alaska, which was actually filmed in Canada.

But the story doesn’t stop there.

As a thank you to Oliver for buying his jockstrap and giving it a new home, Crowe himself then announced he was teaming up with the Irwin family (a.k.a. the relatives of Steve Irwin) to name a Koala Chlamydia ward after John Oliver. Sorry, a WHO?

After some Googling, we quickly learned that koala chlamydia is a legitimate epidemic, and that some wild populations of koalas — despite being on the verge of extinction — have a 100 percent infection rate. Yo, so koalas are out in Australia spending their final days on Earth just fucking their brains out while the rest of us are still getting into Twitter fights on Donald Trump’s Twitter account. These guys have got it figured out.

Or maybe not. We also learned that koalas eat their mothers’ shit for sustenance until they’re teenagers, so maybe koalas actually drew the short end of the stick in terms of evolution. In any case, the aforementioned disturbing revelation about koalas has brought us to the end of our journey of learning things today, and we will be taking a break from learning things until further notice.

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