Trumps Deck The Halls With Mice, Ants, Tantrums

Comedy, Featured, Politics  

After the fucking horrible Senate debacle on Friday night into Saturday morning, in which all Rs—including McCain and Flake—removed their backbones to serve as shish kebobs to the lobbyists who wrote much of the tax bill, there is a little bit to laugh about. Not healthy, third-chakra cleaning guffaws, but laughter in the schadenfreude sense, that induces bittersweet tears.

NBC News4 used the Freedom of Information act to obtain every work order filed requesting repairs for the White House. Hundreds of pages were provided by the U.S. General Services Administration (GSA). The GSA manages the maintenance of the White House grounds, including the West Wing and East Wing. The current structure was rebuilt in 1817 from the charred remains of the original White House (constructed from 1792 to 1800) that was “set ablaze by British troops” in 1814 during the War of 1812. So, the place that Trumperoid reportedly once called “a real dump” is 200 years old, and does not have gleaming mall escalators throughout. Old buildings retain old timey problems like pests, so the work requests reveal evidence of mice in the Situation Room and Navy Mess Kitchen, four cockroach infestations, and an ant colony in the chief of staff’s office (Priebus or Kelly, we don’t know). Exterminators allegedly put mouse traps outside white-coconut-head Mike Pence’s office, and—please begin laughing now—records show a later request was submitted asking maintenance staff “to check all the traps in the West Wing… because they’re smelling something funky or [a] dead mouse.”

Melania wanted a new set of drapes from which she could make a new plantation frock…no, just kidding. She needed new fenestration coverings in her East Wing office that would give the “overall effect of the room being taller.” A new toilet seat was requested for the Oval Office bathroom for Orange Slab of Beef to plop his pasty, sagging butt cheeks. The reason for this request is not explained. Did he need a bigger one? Did he not want to catch Obama’s cooties? Did he want a gold seat? Why didn’t he request a luxurious Toto toilet to install that would spray his ass clean?

All the Willard-style infestation is poetic justice for Melania’s frightening holiday decorations, as well as for Trump pushing that godawful Scrooge tax cut for corporations and the wealthy.

Before the Senate vote, big sections of the Repubs shameful tax reform bill were being rewritten behind closed doors. The bill, passed along party lines, will overhaul the American tax code to the detriment of average people, will add to the deficit, and repeals an important part of the Affordable Care Act.

Senator Jeff Flake (R-AZ) had been a no vote because of the insane deficit increase, but caved, not for Orange Pudding’s promise to fix DACA, but for merely being included in future negotiations about DACA recipients. Maine Senator Susan Collins (R) was promised by Senator Mitch McConnell (Evil Turtle) there would be no Medicare cuts, and assured her new bills would be crafted to soften the blow of repealing the ACA individual mandate, so she voted yes. Those promises might not matter once the bill gets to the GOP-controlled House of Representatives where McConnell has no sway.

Senator Bob Corker (R-TN) had introduced a deficit trigger to the bill—to kick in after five years to raise taxes if the legislation made federal revenues tank—but it was dismissed as not allowed “under Senate rules,” therefore no safety net for the federal budget was included in this mess. Corker voted no.

“At the end of the day, I am not able to cast aside my fiscal concerns and vote for legislation that I believe, based on the information I currently have, could deepen the debt burden on future generations,” Corker announced Friday. “It would have been fairly easy to alter the bill in a way that would have been more fiscally sound.”

The other yuge story this week was Mike Flynn taking a plea deal and cooperating with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation. Reports are the White House was blindsided by this revelation, and Trump is losing it more than usual. A Twitter account attributed to a rogue White House senior advisor has tweets claiming—aaaahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha—the stressed Dotard in Chief is binge-eating food from Panda Express, Arby’s and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts to comfort himself, only allowing White House staff into the Oval Office if they carry food with them. There is a claim he is “melting down” because of Flynn flipping, and had thrown a coffee pot into a West Wing hallway, refusing to take calls on Friday, December 1.

Enjoy the vision.

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