February is just around the corner. The major studios are offering everything from action-packed Marvel movies to camp/trash “erotic thrillers,” while the indies release thoughtful Oscar-nominated dramas and documentaries about poo. There’s something for every taste in theaters this month.
A Fantastic Woman – February 2
When 28-year-old transgender actress Daniela Vega first joined the crew of A Fantastic Woman, she assumed the role of “LGBT Cultural Advisor.” But after director Sebastian Lelio grew closer to Vega, he decided she would also have to be the lead of his film. Thanks to Vega’s mystical and captivating work as Marina — a charismatic but victimized trans woman — A Fantastic Woman has ridden a tide of accolades all the way to the 90th Academy Awards. Now competing for Best Foreign Language Film, the genre-defying Chilean film is a potent mix of romantic drama, thriller, musical, and fabulousness.
Winchester – February 2
Helen Mirren can do no wrong, and will no doubt inject life into this film about the dead. Based on the real-life figure Sarah Winchester, who spent forty years adding rooms to her multimillion dollar mansion in order to house all the ghosts of her enemies (seriously), Winchester is bound to be a horrific showcase for Helen. As a side note, the real-life mansion depicted in Winchester sounds like a retirement dream: Its “stairs that lead nowhere” and its “windows that look into other rooms” sound like the best way to troll any pesky AARP reps stopping by to collect their membership fees.
Fifty Shits Freed – February 9
Oops, that was a typo — We meant Fifty Shades Free Us From This Terrible Movie Franchise. Ugh, fucking autocorrect! Lol, one more try. The movie is actually called Fifty Shades of Straight Nonsense. Dammit! We just can’t bring our fingers to type Fifty Shades Freed. There, now that we’ve typed that, please take our advice and do not waste your money on this sure-to-be-terrible abomination of cinema. Or if you’re a connoisseur of camp and want to get a jump on what’s sure to garner multiple Razzie noms, THIS is the film to see.
Black Panther – February 16
This movie is already getting fantastic reviews for its immersive dive into the fictional world of Wakanda — which, to the chagrin of one South African activist, is not actually located in Africa (since, again, it is FICTIONAL.) And with an all-star cast including Chadwick Boseman, Michael “Zaddy” Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Forest Whitaker, Angela Bassett, Daniel Kaluuya, “Precious” Andy Serkis, Martin Freeman, and Sterling “Dat Ass” K. Brown, this movie would have to work really hard to disappoint us. The trailers look all kinds of phenomenal, and this movie is sure to inject the aging Marvel franchise with a much-needed dose of diversity.
Poop Talk – February 16
They considered this title for the Fifty Shades sequel, actually. Everybody poops, and in the new documentary Poop Talk, everyone is talking about it. Featuring an all-star cast of comedians sharing their best and funniest poop stories, this scatological cinematic feat promises to excrete a giant load of hilarity. While embarrassingly bereft of queer comedians (who would naturally be intimately familiar with poop stories), Poop Talk will still feature the talents of likeable celebs like Kumail Nanjiani (Oscar-nominated screenwriter and star of The Big Sick) and Eric Stonestreet (Cam on Modern Family.)
Annihilation – February 23
With an insane story about a group of biologists on a rescue mission in an “environmental disaster zone” filled with mutant shark-crocodiles and giant sentient plants, this is shaping up to be an original mix of horror and political commentary. It also features the combined talents of Natalie Portman, Tessa Thompson (Thor: Ragnarok), Gina Rodriguez (Jane the Virgin), Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Oscar “Bae” Isaac, which can’t possibly be a bad thing.