Hmm, there’s something wrong with American Idol and we can’t quite put our finger in it.
Here are some of the contestants who moved on to the Top 7 in Idol on the show’s recent Disney Night:
- Gabby Barrett, an obviously-not-Native-American white girl who sang “Colors of the Wind,” despite a throaty, croaky voice that reminded us fondly of bullfrogs. She wore a Christian cross — possibly the most ironic thing a person could wear during a song about the purity of America before Christians destroyed it and murdered all its inhabitants.
- Catie Turner, a breathy young white woman who played with her princess dress way too many times during her performance to NOT be on shrooms. Also, she couldn’t seem to decide what hand motions to make while singing. She began the performance by pointing at random audience members, then graduated to throwing imaginary hand grenades.
- Cade Foehner, a heavily-browed white man who looks and sounds like a love child of Creed frontman Scott Stapp, even though it is no longer 1999.
- Caleb Lee Hutchinson, a white, blonde, blue-eyed, milquetoast wannabe country singer who performed Toy Story’s “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” with all the emotional range of one of the movie’s toys.
Here are the three contestants who were eliminated:
- Ada Vox, a drag queen who soared through “Circle of Life” with all the force of a great typhoon. She is also the only contestant of Disney Night who WERKED her garment instead of just swishing it around like a five-year-old in her first princess dress. (See: aforementioned Girl on Shrooms.)
- Michelle Sussett, a Venezuelan immigrant who powered through Coco’s “Remember Me” with more charm and vocal prowess than the song’s original performers.
- Dennis Lorenzo, a young black man with a dope hairdo who performed “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” with the range and charisma of Idol judge Lionel Ritchie.
Sure, the first four are all white, cis-, straight-identifying people, and the eliminated three are all non-white (and in Ada Vox’s case, non-cis), but that couldn’t possibly be the reason. Guess we’ll never know.
Here’s Vox and her star-making cover of Radiohead’s “Creep.”