Someone please tell Dusty Ray’s parents that the only thing needing exorcism is their daughter’s runway look last night. What demon told her to wear that shit?
Oh, what are we waiting for? Let’s get to the meat, girl.
Here are this week’s tops and bottoms.
Monique Heart – She was an ineffective leader, and was totally responsible for Mayhem’s character not being fleshed out – but her runway look was very GLAADiator.
Asia O’Hara – When she first came out on the runway, we thought that Big Bird had gotten stuck in a trash compactor. But when all of this look came together – the eyes, the head twitching, the wig, the orange gloves that doubled as a beak – we gagged.
The New Pit Crew Member’s Bulge – Presented without comment.
Miss Vanjie – Here’s the tea. This bitch probably just didn’t have anything prepared for her exit catchphrase and thought of the first thing that came to her head: Her name, three times. But now people are still saying it over and over like they’re trying to summon Candyman. If they don’t put Miss Vanjie on All Stars 4, then one day this chant is actually going to work and Vanjie’s suddenly going to appear with a hook on her arm and stab a bitch.
Miz Cracker – Her blueberry runway look was vanilla, but its backstory was sweet.
Blair St. Clair – We agree with Michelle that Blair’s runway look was arts-and-crafty (while somehow being neither artful nor crafty.) However, Blair was an excellent director/writer/producer/actor in the maxi challenge.
The Vixen – Was the Great Craquaria Rivalry of 2018 merely a gateway drug to the real conflict of the season: Vixen vs Aquaria, now on pay-per-view? Vixen’s look might have been a little basic this week, but she is bringing the heat and we are living for it. We also love that she used to work at a zoo. Did she get fired for getting in fights with the animals?
The Spider That Ended The Stupid Argument Between Vixen and Aquaria – Thank you, spider.
Monet X Change – Nene Beaks needs to step up her game. It’s time to fly.
Eureka O’Hara – Eureka’s acting in the maxi challenge was way better than her acting in the workroom while pretending to be interested in Blair St. Clair’s relationship with her mom.
Courtney Love, Guest Judge – How many drugs was she on? Did she know where she was? Does she even use dating apps, or does she just wait in the gutter for men to come along, like the clown from It?
Yuhua Hamasaki – Girl, yuhua gonna be embarrassed when you watch this episode and hear all those excuses you made during the critiques. Also: While Eureka’s raven-centric runway look was very Game of Thrones, yours was very Game of Groans – which is coincidentally what y’all are doing right now after reading that joke.
Mayhem Miller – Is her name Mayhem because she “may or may not hem” her dress? This week’s high shower thought brought to you by Flagrant. (But real talk: We knew we were right when we said it was a fluke that Mayhem won the challenge the first week!)
Dusty Ray Bottoms – See intro.
Aquaria – What was she thinking firing up The Vixen in the workroom and then pretending like she never started it? Also, her melodramatic runway look was practically a carbon copy of Miz Cracker’s Week One Look – pretty ironic from someone trying to accuse Cracker of plagiarism.