Did you recently have a brief, new hope that the Star Wars franchise might unveil its first-ever queer character? Did that feeling have something to do with the fact that one of The Last Jedi’s stars, Oscar Isaac, literally said in an interview that this would happen?
MILD SPOILER ALERTS….
SERIOUSLY GO AWAY …
Well, it turns out that he was shamelessly, carelessly queerbaiting us, just like all those other fuckboys who played with our feelings before. Ugh, we should have KNOWN that Oscar Isaac was too good — too pure — to be true.
As you may recall, Isaac recently mentioned in a Collider interview that Laura Dern’s on-screen Last Jedi character, Vice Admiral Holdo, would borrow one key personality trait from her character in the Star Wars extension universe: Namely, that she would be queer.
In the interview, Isaac and Dern both confirmed that Holdo was “VERY open” about her sexual experiences, and that she possessed an “intergalactic orientation,” which essentially confirmed that her Last Jedi character was pansexual, like in the tie-in novel Leia: Princess of Alderaan.
Except this never happens in the film. Unfortunately, Dern and Isaac were only referring to the character’s on-paper persona, thus making it seem like her film counterpart would also be queer. Ugh.
Sadly, while Dern’s Holdo is a verified badass in The Last Jedi, and completes an insanely, inspiringly heroic act that changes the course of the franchise, she never once hints at being queer — or even sexual — in any way. Thus, yet again, we have been denied a positive queer role model and inspiring on-screen representation of queerness by an influential studio.
Granted, Lucasfilm (Star Wars’ distributor) is now owned by Disney — a by-default family-friendly company — so it’s not prone to make any of its characters sexual. Plus, the franchise’s directors have already demonstrated that they are not married to the plots of the “canon” extension novels, including Leia, Princess of Alderaan.
Still, the decision to “straightwash” Holdo is incredibly disappointing. Now, we have been forced to seek representation by reading too far into each of Poe and Finn’s interactions throughout The Last Jedi. Oh, and speaking of which, here are a few moments from The Last Jedi that provide incontrovertible evidence that the next major Star Wars film will include an inspiring coming out storyline in which Poe and Finn finally declare their love for each other and live happily ever after:
(1) Poe unnecessarily touches Finn’s stomach at one point.
(2) Finn unnecessarily touches Poe’s stomach at one point.
(3) Finn has no reaction — not even a flicker of one — when a cute woman, whom he has just completed multiple exciting adventures with, kisses him on the lips.
OK, so there aren’t a lot. But that’s JUST ENOUGH to give us yet another new hope that Episode 9 will be the Gayest Star Wars Movie in Recorded Human History.