Either out of sheer desperation or as part of a self-inflicted punishment for some grave past sin in another life, Nicollette Sheridan has signed on as Alexis Carrington in the CW Dynasty reboot. Our immediate reaction to this news was, of course, “What’s a Dynasty “reboot”? Is that even allowed?”
While we loved Sheridan as the saucy, shady Edie on Desperate Housewives, it is impossible to overcome our grief over her decision to take over one of television’s — nay, history’s — great depictions of supreme bitchery. She’ll probably nail the character’s scheming antics, but Joan Collins will of course forever be Alexis Carrington-Colby-Morrel-Dexter-Rowan in our hearts. She cannot and will be replaced, and we’re willing to go so far as to march on the CW offices to stop this malicious act of violence.
According to the showrunners, Alexis will “return unexpectedly to [the Carringtons’] world, challenging Blake’s marriage to Cristal, seeking to reunite with her children, and fighting to claim what is hers.”
We also assume she will wear lots of shoulder pads and miraculous wigs, in between leading the now 84-year-old Joan Collins to an early death.
However, if it makes you feel better, Dynasty is only averaging 0.6 million viewers and a 50% score on Metacritic, to which Collins is probably pretending to feel cursory sympathy for.
In all fairness, though, Sheridan probably needs a break after her 2012 legal battle with Desperate Housewives show-runner Marc Cherry, whom she accused of striking her over the head during an on-set argument. Cherry recruited crew members to testify on his behalf and claim he was only demonstrating how to act out a scene, but Sheridan’s official description of Cherry’s high-stress, meticulously controlled on-set environment seemed to suggest otherwise. Still, she lost her case at both the Los Angeles Court of Appeal as well as the California Supreme Court.
Here’s a treat for Collins’ fans, film previews for two of her ’70s sexploitation hits, based on trashy novels written by sister Jackie.