From Puerto Rico To Las Vegas, ‘Moron’ Trump Fails To Connect


Today President Rubber Halloween Mask visited Las Vegas shooting massacre victims who are presently being treated at University Medical Center in that city. With the Stepford Wife at his side, rote phrases intended as support emitted from the hole in the mask representing the mouth.

“The only message I can say is that we’re with you 100 percent,” is what the rippling mass of orange rubber said to patients recovering from the deadliest massing shooting in modern U.S. history.

The current White House occupants had photo-ops with hospital staff.

“I have to tell you, it makes you very proud to be an American when you see the job that they’ve done,” he recited, borrowing from the Sarah Palin playbook of stringing any one- or two-syllable words together to run out the clock. “And people who would not be around today are up there and they’ll be leaving the hospital in a week or two weeks or five weeks.”

One week, two weeks, five, once he caught a fish alive.

After the hospital visit, the POTUS & FLOTUS met with first responders to Sunday night’s massacre.

“On behalf of the grateful nation, we thank each and everyone of you in law enforcement,” the old man said.

While appearing in front of cameras with law enforcement, Dolt-in-Chief’s handlers must have instructed him to mention the other hospitals treating more than 500 people injured by Stephen Paddock’s incomprehensible act of violence.

“I have to tell you, it makes you very proud to be an American, when you see the job that they’ve done,” he said, continuing to rely on vocabulary that resonates with reality television fans. “So I just want to congratulate [writer’s emphasis] everybody. It’s incredible. Incredible what you’ve done. We met quite a few people and believe me, they are very lucky to be here.”

Dingleheimer made the claim he invited a lot of the massacre survivors to the White House: “And believe me, I’ll be there for them.”

Don’t know about him being there for Puerto Rico, a U.S. territory where the infrastructure was destroyed by Hurricane Maria. President D Minus made an obligatory head-of-state trip to survey the island’s devastation firsthand. Before traveling there, he had tweeted various insults and dismissals, saying the mayor of San Juan was being “nasty” to him. He also stated that HIS efforts were awesome, and that Puerto Ricans had to pick up their pace.

“We need their truck drivers,” Trump said. “Their drivers have to start driving trucks. We have to do that, so at a local level they have to give us more help.”

During a press conference on the island, he went on to scold Puerto Ricans for bothering him.

“I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico, but you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack, because we spent a lot of money on Puerto Rico, and that’s fine,” he said, forgetting that they pay taxes too. He compared the hurricane wreckage to Hurricane Katrina that he labeled a “real catastrophe.”

During a tour of the damage, Trumpelstiltskin told affected folks to “have a good time,” and at a later Calvary Chapel appearance he threw paper-towel rolls into the crowd as a solution to Puerto Rico’s infrastructure problems.

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Today in Nevada, when a reporter asked, “Do you think we have a gun violence problem?” Trump responded, “We’re not going to talk about that today.” Huh.

The National Rifle Association endorsed Candidate Trump during the 2016 election.

In a surprising, sensible step today, Republican Rep. Bill Flores of Texas called for a ban on the sale of bump stocks, the add-on devices that augment semi-automatic legal weapons to operate like automatic weapons—acquisitions of the latter type of guns are strictly regulated with a pain-in-the-gun-nut’s-ass application process. It is easier to buy a bump stock. During the deadly assault from his Mandalay Bay hotel room, Paddock utilized bump stocks on 12 legally purchased semi-automatic.

“I think we can do that and still protect the Second Amendment,” Flores said.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) today introduced a bill banning bump stocks.

Meanwhile from Vegas, Dumpster took time from his support visit to deny that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called him a “moron.” In what the Dump categorized as “fake news” and “a totally phony story,” reports have circulated describing a fed-up Tillerson wanting to resign in the summer, begged by Defense Secretary James Mattis, Chief of Staff John Kelly and V.P. Mike Pence to remain with the Trump Administration as a much-needed sane presence. In response to the reports, Tillerson issued a statement refuting the “discontent,” but did not deny openly calling the Moron-in-Chief a “moron.”

“It was made up. It was made up by NBC, they just made it up,” said the moron. “…Total confidence in Rex. I have total confidence.”


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