It’s almost January, which means there will be a whole new batch of queer and queer-adjacent movies for you to watch when you’re not breaking every single one of your New Year’s resolutions. In addition to the luminous bunch of LGBTQ films slated to debut at the 2018 Sundance Festival, which runs January 18 – 28, there will also be a number of movies that the rest of us peasants can watch. We’ve compiled a list of the best of those below. Trust us, it’s pretty slim pickings this month.
The Room – one night only: January 10
No, this is not that acclaimed dramedy based on the making of the original film starring James and Dave Franco (The Disaster Artist). This is that actual, terrible, honest-to-god mess-terpiece that inspired it, and it is playing in 500 theaters on one night only: January 10. So get out your spoons or newspapers or water bottles or whatever, and come out to celebrate the One Bad Movie to Rule Them All. (Ironically, this is probably the kind of release that the film’s director, Tommy Wiseau, imagined all those years ago when he debuted The Room and had no idea it was a giant turd.)
Paddington 2 – January 12
Paddington Bear is on the surface an innocent, loveable bear “from deepest, darkest Peru” with a penchant for marmalade — and in Paddington 2, he has the perfectly innocent goal of buying his Aunt Lucy a pop-up book. But because he happens to be a refugee from South America who successfully integrates into a Western country and then spends Paddington 2 taking on a lying, thieving, powerful old white dude (Hugh Grant), he’s also an embodiment of everything that President Trump fears and despises. (That’s not to mention the fact that Paddington is voiced by the openly queer Ben Whishaw.) Cut to: The year 2030, when the symbol of the Resistance has become a grizzled, grimacing Paddington Bear clutching two assault rifles.
Proud Mary – January 12
When Tyler Perry first collaborated with Hidden Figures star Taraji P. Henson, they blessed us with the film I Can Do Bad All By Myself, which is still hailed as one of the best movies that the Razzie-winning filmmaker has ever created – and THAT is saying a lot. We can safely assume that I Can Do Bad was only good because Taraji carried that movie all by her damned self. But before we see Perry’s and Henson’s next collabo, Acrimony, which is set for the spring, we can check out Proud Mary, which features Taraji as some sort of coked up hitwoman. It looks like an homage to the “blaxplotiation” flicks of the ‘70s, and we are here for it.
Saturday Church – January 12
If Moonlight and La La Land were ever to reconcile their disagreements following the 2017 Oscars and then have unprotected sex, thus leading to an unplanned child that also happens to be a feature-length film, then that film would be Saturday Church. Equal parts “addicting musical” and “coming-of-age tale about a young queer black man,” Saturday Church busts out a series of fabulous musical numbers as it follows a New York teen who just wants to sashay around in heels. With its stunning choreography and zippy pacing, Saturday Church is for all those who saw The Greatest Showman thinking it was a gay film and then left disappointed that Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron never made out.
Freak Show – January 12
The second movie to be adapted from a book by the infamous club kid James St. James, Freak Show is already giving off major cult fave vibes. Featuring Bette Midler and Laverne Cox, Freak Show follows the classic tale of a young drag queen who competes with Abigail Breslin for the affections of his school’s star quarterback. You may recall that Hollywood’s first adaptation of a James St. James book, Party Monster, featured Macaulay Culkin as a drugged out club kid who can’t seem to get his shit together. By all accounts, Culkin is still playing that role.
The Final Year – January 19
This is a stellar documentary that provides an insider, all-access look at former President Barack Obama’s foreign policy team during his final year of office. It is reportedly a portrait of “humane leadership,” which means it will probably just make you cry and long for the days when the President of the United States didn’t tweet out words like “covfefe.”
Maze Runner: The Death Cure – January 26
This movie has been delayed forever, due to the star almost dying or whatever. But we still recommend it for the sole pleasure of watching a gaggle of handsome male youths travel across their deserted planet and bond over the fact that the only woman they’ve ever encountered in their entire lives has turned out to be a villain. If that isn’t the recipe for a cathartic and climactic homosexual orgy, then nothing is.