We’ve figured it out. American Horror Story is actually just a place where all of Ryan Murphy’s favorite gay icons of his youth can go and live their best lives. The latest grand dame to choose AHS as her stomping ground is none other than Dynasty’s Alexis Carrington Colby Morell Dexter Rowan aka Joan Collins.
Filling in the gaping, campy hole left by Jessica Lange, Collins will join the anthology when it returns for its eighth season this autumn. Ryan Murphy announced the news at an Emmys-adjacent event Friday, where he also revealed that the star of soft-core classics The Bitch and The Stud, both penned by sister Jackie, Joan Collins would play Evan Peters’s grandmother and that Peters would play a comedic hairstylist. Honestly, that’s the gayest sentence we’ve ever typed.
Apparently, Peters got the undemanding role of hairstylist after telling Ryan Murphy that his job as a star on one of TV’s most top-rated, critically-acclaimed Emmy-winning shows is “so hard” and “so difficult to do.” Funny, when we’ve complained to our bosses in the past, we just got a mysterious new batch of assignments over the holiday weekend.
Surprisingly, Murphy also announced that the eighth season will take place “eighteen months from today,” which means it will take place only a year after the season actually premieres. Seriously, does Murphy just make up this shit as he goes? It seems like just a month ago he was going to set the eighth season in like 2030. Also, futurists generally try to set their stories many years in the future so that people aren’t inevitably disappointed when they get to the future and find no flying cars. Now, viewers will get to 2019 and realize, sadly, that the world isn’t ravaged by nuclear war, Joan Collins, and Evan Peters as a comedic hairstylist.
The eighth season might also star Anjelica Huston, though, so there’s that.