In the future, when the robots take over, they will know that Drag Race was good to them.
Last night’s parody of Westworld, dubbed Breastworld, took a sympathetic stance in support of robots — as in, robots other than Aquaria. And while the parody was a bit overlong and strained, it also identified with the plight of the oppressed, and gave us queer people some major receipts to flaunt when it’s Judgment Day and we’re convincing our robot overlords not to kill us. It also made way more sense than anything that has ever happened on Westworld.
But the fun didn’t stop there. Even though no one went home last night (the lip sync was a tie), we still got to revel in having Broad City stars Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer as guest judges. We also welcomed the goofy runway challenge that encouraged the queens to imagine themselves in 50 years. Oh, and there was a mini challenge involving a buttload of hot guys in their underwear. We have a feeling that this is what we’ll miss most when the robots take over: Underwear mini challenges.
But speaking of buttloads of things, let’s move on to this week’s tops and bottoms.
Whoever writes the parodies for Drag Race — We’re guessing they have distant dads and a lifetime supply of shrooms.
Stephen Colbert — His impression of a drag queen at the beginning of the episode was bordering on “pinkface,” but we’ll give him a pass since he’s a prominent ally. We cannot bite the hand that feeds us endless Trump jokes.
Asia O’Hara — On the runway, those white braids made Asia look like if Heimdall from the Marvel Comics Universe was a bottom. And like her character Parah Salin’s name implied, Asia and her performance in the maxi challenge were the complete opposite of Sarah Palin: Smart.
Monet X Change — We’d motorboat those floppy old woman breasts all day if it meant we could listen to Monet improvise more jokes about drag queen robots. But seriously, when is this bitch going to win a challenge? We’ve had our monet on her since before the season even began. Oh, and speaking of which: Y’all better click on that link (here it is again), because our predictions of this season’s elimination order have been about 75% accurate so far. Not bad!
Aquaria — Aquaria might be infuriatingly delusional, but she has proven to be much smarter and more passionate than her dull, impassive exterior lets on. Her robot impersonation was a revelation, although she had prior practice thanks to her work impersonating Sophia the Robot. Additionally, her decision to play nice with her other queens was Grade A Image Rehab. However, it’s also entirely possible that her decision to put the non-acting Kameron Michaels in the maxi challenge’s most demanding role was intentional. We must remember, after all, that Aquaria started this episode vowing to take down her fellow queens using any means necessary. Either way, we love it. Machiavellian is better than boring.
Kameron Michaels — Finally, people are recognizing this queen’s aggressive mediocrity in this competition. How has she gotten this far? How have we? That being said, her physicality as an old lady was hilariously spot on, and her lip sync with Eureka was among the all-time greats. But man, that monologue in the maxi challenge was The Room-level bad. Ooh, we just got an idea: A Drag Race parody of The Room! “I did not shade her, I did naaaaht. Oh hi, Monet.”
Miz Cracker — Her trademark cracks mizzed the mark this week as she continued to get in her head throughout the challenge. P.S. How much does Ru charge for one-on-one psychoanalysis? Because she cut down Cracker to size in the Werk Room after less than a minute.
Eureka — As Ross put it, she came out on the runway looking like “Paula Deen dressed up like a witch.” And how can someone with such a nasally speaking voice not say “Ivy Winters” the correct way?
The floor — The poor floor this week had not one, but two drag queens sweeping their fake lady parts across it in the lip sync. This floor is going to have PTSD, y’all.