It’s finally here, y’all. RuPaul’s Drag Race is finally back after a long, brutal, excRUciating wait of one week. You probably didn’t even have time to work out your feelings over Trixie Mattel winning the All Stars 3 crown before it was time to drag your ass out to the club again and weigh in on the Great Miz Craquaria rivalry of 2018. So in case you’re still suffering from wig-lash after pivoting from All Stars 3 to Season 10 without time to untuck, we’ve distilled the week’s events into a helpful list of Tops and Bottoms.
This week, the queens participated in a mini runway challenge and a 99 Cent Store challenge harkening back to Season One, featuring a surprise appearance by Farrah Moan, er, Christina Aguilera. And at least some contestants made an early impression:
Monique Heart – Her runway look was sensationally constructed, and it served up her namesake. But somehow, she lost the maxi challenge to the wild card Mayhem Miller, even though she totally deserved to win.
Miz Cracker – If you were to hold a glue gun to our head and force us to pick a side in the Great Craquaria Rivalry, we would totally get behind Miz Cracker (and then some.) See: As much as Aquaria would like us to believe that Cracker is copying her look, there’s no question that Cracker’s smoky, metallic, ethereal runway look was all her own. Plus, she rises to the top for this line: “There are no accidents in fisting.”
Monet X Change – Can we all just pause for a moment and reflect upon how RIGHT we got this season? For reference, just check out our early impressions of the Season 10 queens, in which we predicted Monet X Change as the winner of the season. And whaddya know? She won the mini challenge. We also predicted that Kalorie Karbdashian-Williams would be a snore — and then she ended up in the Bottom 2. It’s like we have ESPN or something.
Blair St. Clair – She may look like a lost, waifish Boy Scout out of drag, but her runway look was Evil Queen meets Velma Kelly. She was a vision in visor. Cue Ru: “I’ve got tucking panties older than her.”
Mayhem Miller – This look had a beautiful silhouette, but it wasn’t as eye-poppingly dramatic as the other top looks. Perhaps Ru crowned her the winner this week because it would be a poignant TV moment? (Mayhem has been trying to get on the show since forever ago.)
Kameron Michaels – Truck Stop Whore Barbie looked fab this week, and we (ok, a couple of us) would totally hit that out of drag.
The Vixen – This crafty queen used her noodle!
Yuhua Hamasaki – Caution: She’s one to look out for.
Vanessa Vanjie Mateo – The first queen of the season to sashay away, she left us too soon! Oh, what we wouldn’t give for fifty more Vanjie confessionals!! This flower power bottom may have gotten points off for her formless runway look, which inexplicably featured a trail of Barbies climbing up her neck to escape her waistline, but her style, attitude, and “eloguence” had Aquaria soundly beat. Also, can “accoutremo’” be the new “flazeda?” Also, this: “I’m serving a little bit of cunt.”
Dusty Ray Bottoms – Cue Michelle giving another boring critique about a drag queen having unconventional makeup and not looking stereotypically feminine. If this becomes a storyline, we’re done.
Aquaria – If you don’t believe that we’re being set up for a major rivalry with Cracker, just consider the fact that Cracker and Aquaria landed the two most conspicuously opposing spots in this week’s runway lineup — with Aquaria coming first and Cracker coming last. The only reason Aquaria doesn’t rank higher on this list is because she needs a bit of an ego check. But her “Little Ho Peep meets New York Fashion Week” look was cute.
Eureka O’Hara – As Mrs. Kasha Davis pointed out, we could have used more oomph from Eureka — especially since she had a year to figure her shit out. Plus, she gets points off for sucking up to Aquaria in an obvious grab for Instagram likes from millennials. (“Why is she so obsessed with you?” she asked Aquaria of her rival Miz Cracker.)
Kalorie Karbdashian-Whatever – Her fake laugh and tacky dress were right in line with the Kardashian spirit.
Asia O’Hara – We ran out of time writing this recap.