Just Desserts for Online Trolls


If you live in the US of A and are ticked off at some dickhead’s rude online comment, you do not have to resort to cyberstalking to exact revenge. Troll Cakes can provide closure for you, and tooth decay for your adversary. For a not-too-expensive price ($30 to $60), the NYC bakery will take a troll comment and quote it “word-for-word” atop a custom Troll Cake and send it to the address of the offending troll. Don’t know the troll’s true identity and address? Fear not, for Troll Cakes is a bakery AND a detective agency. Take that, Columbo. These folks will track the asshole down for you and mail a cake decorated with the same disagreeable statement to their home—or place of work where they probably do all their trolling. BUSTED!trollcake

Aesthetically, the baked goods look charmingly imperfect, homemade but not hasty, transcribed insults arranged like a friendship cushion. Or a ransom note for the lighthearted.

Giving your dollars to a small business that will ricochet insults back into a virtual enemy’s face (especially if they eat their own words) is wonderful commerce. However, this writer would personally draw the line at sending even a “mean” cake to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. In these trying times, Troll Cakes offers Option 3: Tiny Hands Special, in which a customer can send their choice of everlasting Trump tweets frosted onto a cake to the White House. Although this is Troll Cakes’ least expensive service ($30), 1. nobody currently residing there deserves anything remotely sweet; and 2. cake & message won’t get beyond the bomb-sniffing dogs, thereby wasting $30.

Any NYC resident not bearing a specific online grudge can still order from an assortment of pictured Pre-Trolled Cakes (such as “YOU DONKEY WITCH”), to perhaps enjoy with salivating-tongue-in-cheek, courtesy of Troll Cakes’ “next-day, in-person delivery.”

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