Happy Birthday, Madonna Louise Ciccone! Madge/Esther/Mo celebrates her 60th bday today. We love her. We hate her. We love to hate her. She’s infuriating. She’s inspiring. She’s annoying. She’s awesome. But there’s no denying she’s a bonafide pop music icon. Her string of transcendent hit records is unmatched (Lucky Star, Like a Virgin, Material Girl, Papa Don’t Preach, Vogue, Frozen, Music, Ray of Light, etc). But her track record with movies… not so much. Maybe it’s the parts she (or her management) have chosen. She’s been awarded five Razzies for Worst Actress, but she also won a Golden Globe for Evita (Best Actress in a Musical). As a special gift to fans, we rank 10 of her most-notable film appearances, from worst to best.
10. Body Of Evidence – This basic riff on Basic Instinct is strictly for fans – fans of kinky, sub-par Law & Order courtroom drama.
9. Shanghai Surprise – Married couple Sean Penn and Madonna exhibited zero on-screen chemistry.
8. Swept Away – Then-husband Guy Ritchie directed this stink bomb remake of the classic Italian battle of the sexes.
7. The Next Best Thing – Roger Ebert called it, “a garage sale of gay issues, harnessed to a plot as exhausted as a junkman’s horse.”
6. (tie) Vision Quest – Her role as “singer at club” was cute, but the real reason we include this – co-star Michael (dreamy Jake from Sixteen Candles) Schoeffling!!!
6. Who’s That Girl – This underrated screwball comedy didn’t set any box-office records, but the soundtrack was a huge hit.
5. Dick Tracy – Another film made with a current mate, this time director/superstar Warren Beatty. One of the better comic book adaptations. Watch Madonna’s dazzling rendition of “Sooner or Later” at the 1991 Academy Awards.
4. A League of Their Own – Madge held her own against heavy-hitters Tom Hanks and Geena Davis in this box-office smash.
3. Truth Or Dare aka In Bed With Madonna – A critical and commercial success, Dare follows Madonna and her dancers on the Blond Ambition World Tour. Watch her demonstrate her oral skills in one of the more outrageous scenes from the film.
2. Evita – She lobbied hard for the part of Eva Peron and it shows. Madonna put her everything into this musical/drama. Evita was nominated for 5 Oscars, winning for Best Original Song.
1. Desperately Seeking Susan – Madonna’s first major screen role is probably her best. She’s perfectly cast opposite Rosanna Arquette in a silly caper comedy/drama about stolen identities (and boyfriends) and features one of her best club bangers, Into the Groove. Watch it tonight and toast the true Queen of Pop.