As either a classic diva move or as a supremely effective way of trolling President Trump, Elton John, a.k.a. the real “Rocket Man,” is going on a 300-city, “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” tour that is going to last three freaking years. We’re assuming, of course, that it’s just so he can consistently sing “Rocket Man” to thousands of people a hundred times a year for the entirety of Trump’s remaining stint as President of the United States. And also because he loves drama and who isn’t going to just retire into obscurity without bathing in the well-earned respect and admiration of his millions upon millions of fans first.
John recently told Anderson Cooper that he’s “not going to be touring anymore,” since the priorities in his life are now his children, his husband (David Furnish) and his family. But, of course, the fact that Elton John is abandoning his children, his husband, and his family for three freaking years just means that he’s prioritizing them. (No tea, no shade, we’re just saying … Don’t pretend like you don’t love touring as much as having children, a husband, and a family!!)
John is also saying that the tour is a “thank you” to his fans, because like a true diva bitch, he knows that the best way to say thank you to people is to grace them with his presence.
He also insists that he’s “not Cher” and that he’s not going to return to the road after the tour wraps, even though we all know he’s definitely going to pull a Cher and make his “goodbye” last 30 freaking years before commissioning someone to write a Tony-winning musical adaptation of his life that is then adapted into an Oscar-winning musical featuring a Grammy-winning soundtrack.
Anyway, we’re really excited for this tour, which is promising an “over-the-top” production (uh duh) and a wardrobe designed by Gucci. It kicks off in Fall 2018.