We’ve seen a lot of different strategies on this show — insult everyone into submission, stay true to yourself while ignoring the mean girls — but we’re unfamiliar with Kameron’s. Miss Michaels appears to have adopted the same strategy that those Jurassic Park kids did when the velociraptors walked into the kitchen: Say nothing and hope they can’t see you. Somehow, this has gotten Miss Flatline to the Top 4.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but Miz Cracker and Monet are the only queens from the Top 6 that actually deserved to progress to the final four. While Eureka, Aquaria, and Asia are all talented and entertaining, we’re also aware that Eureka has an unfair advantage and that Aquaria is the human personification of a selfie. As for Asia, she’s getting saltier and increasingly less fun by the minute. Maybe she’s born with it, or maybe it’s bipolar disorder.
Anyway, we’re as excited about this Top 4 as we were for the Top 4 of Season 7 — which is to say: not at all.
That being said, this week’s episode “Evil Twins” still managed to be entertaining, thanks in part to the presence of “Foolish” singer Ashanti, real life foolish person Lena Dunham, a foolish pancake decoration mini-challenge, and Cheyenne Jackson. Oh, and a very therapeutic maxi challenge in which the queens put their differences aside and looked inside themselves — underneath the fake boobs and hip pads, underneath the contouring and concealer — and found out who they really were: men with penises.
Monet X Change’s sponge — May you rest in peace, Sponge of Monet. We wish you the best on your journey to become an item sold on HSN.
The maxi challenge — The idea to have the queens dress up like their own evil twins in order to personify their self-saboteurs was brilliant. The idea to film two cuts — one with the “good” queen and one with the “bad” queen — and then cleverly splice them together into one scene — was also brilliant. Everything about this challenge was brilliant. This show is brilliant!
Asia O’ Hara — We love that she named her evil twin North Korea. Now if only she could blow up the White House.
Aquaria — We would’ve loved to see her tackle her narcissism and/or natural fear of food in the maxi challenge, but we’ll settle for her deconstruction of her own insecurities. Also, she named her pancake Pancake’s Labyrinth, which was great. We’d love to see Guillermo Del More-o of that kind of wordplay.
Eureka — Her Clueless/Divine combo was the best pair of references that have ever appeared in alphabetical order.
The mini challenge — Did we really just witness that? Also, Ru forgot to change IHOP’s name to its new name IHOB, which we assume stands for “International House of Bitches.” (We understand that this episode was filmed before IHOB’s rebranding, but still.) However, we were honored to be blessed with the hilariously named Pankweesha.
Miz Cracker — At first, when she admitted early in the episode that she feels more on the inside than on the outside, we thought she was going to break into a rendition of “Reflection” from Mulan. But instead she just got eliminated.
Kameron Michaels — Her last minute lip sync leg choreo was cool, but she’s just using up breathable air at this point.
Rude Paul — An evil twin best left in the womb.