willywonka

Three Willys: Glover, Gosling, Miller Favorited For ‘Wonka’ Origin Movie

Entertainment, Featured  

Warner Brothers has singled out three potential lead actors for its Willy Wonka origin movie — and depending on who they choose, you may want to fuck Willy Wonka.

According to Collider, the good ol’ WB has narrowed down its Willys to Ryan Gosling, Donald Glover, and Ezra Miller. Those are some big Willys right there.

The studio has been in long-term relationships with all of these Willys, after having worked with Gosling on Blade Runner 2049 (among other films), and with Miller on Fantastic Beasts. Glover, on the other hand, has been pursuing Willy for some time now.

Gene Wilder Suspense GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

But depending on which star the W.B. decides on, this Wonka movie might be going in a very exciting direction. Glover, of course, would make Wonka into some sort of pansexual sex god that not only steals children but also makes them on the reg with their hapless parents. Gosling, on the other hand, would bring a muted charm to Wonka — a self-conscious, toned-down mumblecore appeal that would make Wonka seem like he’s addicted to muscle relaxants.

Miller, of course, would be the most natural Willy Wonka, considering his wild, unpredictable nature and predilection towards eccentric behavior. After all, he did once spend an entire interview leaping around a hotel and joking about global warming.

However, considering that the film is meant to be a prequel about Wonka’s beginnings as a magnate and his transformation into a problematic Oompa Loompa owner, why can’t the film star all three of these actors? Why can’t the film have Glover as Wonka, Gosling as a shy dad he bones, and one hundred CGI clones of queerdo Miller as the Oompa Loompas?

It’s obviously not the same as just having a hologram of Gene Wilder in every scene, but we’re willing to make some concessions here.

And because this track gives us ALL the feels, here’s Wilder singing “Pure Imagination” from the original film. Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.

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