Prince Harry Got Engaged To Someone And It Wasn’t You

Comedy, Featured  

Well, we just missed out on our last chance to marry into the Royal Family. Prince Ginger Minj, aka Prince Harry, is officially engaged. Unfortunately, the announcement did not happen on the critically-acclaimed (lol) series finale of the Fox reality show masterpiece I Wanna Marry Harry, but on Twitter.

Harry reportedly proposed to Meghan Markle, a lead actress on the USA series Suits, earlier in November. The ring is a vom-worthy level of adorableness, with diamonds from both Bostwana (because it’s “special” to the couple, UGH) and his mother Diana’s private collection (UGH … oh wait that’s actually really sweet.) The two will reportedly be married in March 2018 ceremony — the most anticipated royal wedding since Colton Haynes and Jeff Leatham.

Still, we’re pretty pissed that Harry did all this behind our backs. As recently as four short years ago, he was saying he’d experiment with gay men if he “changed his mind” about women. But now we’re finding out that this “Meghan Markle” harlot, who he only started taking out in public in September, is the love of his life? And he’s been introducing her to his family and getting their blessing to marry her this whole time?? Wow, thanks for telling us Harry. So what are we supposed to do with our wedding veils now? Just wait for ANOTHER prince to propose to us? We’re OVER.

Whatever. At least he’s been a great ally. In the past two years, Harry has carried on his late mother’s legacy by working with AIDS patients to destigmatize the illness and stress the importance of HIV testing. He also recently raised the public profile of Mermaids, a charity which works to support transgender children.

Excuse us while we go cry at our Prince Harry shrines now.


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