“I do declare, Blair St. Clair … Unlike a Boy Scout, she wasn’t prepared.”
– a song lyric that Trixie Mattel has already written into her next country album.
This week’s mini challenge, dubbed “Sittin’ On a Secret” (btw, why isn’t THAT the show’s hashtag?), had the queens sitting on various creatures of the land and sea to try to guess their identities. At one point, these full grown men were shoving traffic cones up their asses and smearing birthday cake icing on their inner thighs — truly the stuff of queer fantasies across the globe.
The maxi challenge, on the other hand, was slightly more educational for heterosexual Drag Race viewers than the aforementioned five minutes of gay men being anally penetrated. In this week’s very special edition of RuPaul’s DragCon, the queens formed teams of three and had to moderate panels centered on topics like makeup, drag hair, and proportionizing (our new favorite fake word.) Following this and the hat-themed runway, there were some clear tops and bottoms.
Eureka – Is Eureka a Top Three contender? Is that cheating, considering she’s already been on this show once and figured out which producers to blow for screen-time? Whatever. She was great in the maxi challenge, and her runway dress reminded us of those optical illusions that you’re supposed to stare at for thirty seconds, so that when you look away, you’re suddenly sucking some guy’s dick.
Monet X Change – Come thru, girl! Come thru! Monet exchanged timidity for temerity this week by shedding her insecurities and letting her full personality shine through in the maxi challenge. Plus, she looked better than ever on the runway — which, admittedly, was not difficult, since all she had to do was wear hip pads.
Asia O’Hara – The first thing we thought of when we saw her runway look was the deep cut “Dandelion” by recently crowned queer icon Kacey Musgraves, but then we just sat back and enjoyed it. It was a perfect mix of campy and eloquent, and it made up for the fact that we couldn’t remember anything else she did this week.
Guest Judges Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon – This writing duo is behind (and partly in front of) the hilarious Oscar-nominated comedy The Big Sick. And unlike Miss Pariah Twain last week, these two actually seemed engaged during their judging gig.
Aquaria – We had to pause and rewind every time Aquaria said something funny and intelligent this week just to be sure that it happened. But it did! It happened! Plus, her “Klaus Blow-Me” look on the runway was pretty cool. (If someone has already made that joke, we apologize and also take credit for it.)
Kameron Michaels – Her experience as a muscle queen is eye-opening (if a little #FirstWorldProblems), but her performance in the maxi challenge just didn’t have the bite to pop next to scene-chewers Monet and Eureka.
Blair St. Clair – We’ve only said this one other time this season (when Miss Vanjie left), but this queen went home too soon! Like, she never even got to sing or dance, even though that’s her main talent? Excuse?? That would have made for way better TV than having to watch The Vixen drag everyone into yet another bullshit argument about literally nothing. But, alas, Vixen got to stay.
The Vixen – See above.
Miz Cracker – She adopted an off-puttingly dismissive tone during her panel, and her comedy fell as flat as an Aquaria. But sure, she looked cute as a derby princess.
Monique Heart – She was lucky that her maxi challenge performance outweighed her runway outfit. How many Lisa Frank trapper keepers had to die for that?