If ever there were a visual representation of the creepy, depressing Scissor Sisters song “Return to Oz,” it would be the Land of Oz, an abandoned, decrepit Wizard of Oz theme park in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. Perched on top of Beech Mountain Resort, the once-lively park is now populated by overgrowth, a greying Yellow Brick Road, an eerily empty Munchkin Village, and a once-lively replica of the Emerald City which was horrifically destroyed by fire in 1975. All that’s missing is a Suicide Forest filled with the decaying corpses of the Lollipop Guild.
But now, the dank, neglected park will open its gates to guests once again in June. This sounds like a great idea and definitely not the beginning of a horror thriller in which the villains are a deranged incestuous mountain folk who dress as the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion and then murder park guests so that they can harvest their brains, hearts, and, er, courage. (The script is still undergoing revisions.)
In a transparent attempt to lure potential guests into its sinister organ-harvesting plot, the park is ensuring on its website that visitors will “get the chance to play one of the roles of Dorothy’s trusted companions, or the wicked witch that she meets throughout her journey.” Jesus, these sick fucks are also into role play.
Thankfully, the park will only be open for six days in June, so the body count will be relatively low. And if we’re lucky, the police will receive early word that visitors to The Land of Oz have begun mysteriously disappearing — thus giving the federal government an opportunity to helicopter in and shut down the organ harvesters’ climactic ritual in which they plan to sacrifice park guests to their folk god, Elpheba.
If you’d like to more about The Land of Oz before it becomes the center of a horrific national news story, check out the website here.