trumpmacron

Sacre Poo! Trump’s Stilted Macron Bromance Overshadowed By Setbacks

Featured, Politics  

If President Trump had the energy or upper arm strength to punch a wall, he’d punch a wall right now. As his bromance with French President Macron cools – lest we forget “DandruffGate 2018,” as well as the incredibly awkward PDA’s including handshakes, kisses, air kisses – the President experienced a number of devastating setbacks that no doubt had him crying from his bedroom, “Melania! I need you!” as his wife blankly stared out the window in the next room, alternately reminiscing about her Babs Bush funeral/dreamdate with Obama and plotting her escape. (We like to imagine that she has a blueprint of the White House tattooed on her torso, like the dude from Prison Break.)

First, Trump ran into pushback from another federal judge over Trump’s impulsive decision to rescind DACA last fall. The judge, John Bates, decided that Trump’s “wind-down” of DACA was “arbitrary and capricious,” which is a very creative way of saying that Trump rescinded DACA on Twitter while he was pooping. Thus, the DACA program will likely continue to thrive.

Second, an Arizona special election yesterday did not go as planned for Republicans, who barely held onto the spot despite winning the position by 20 points in 2016. Meanwhile, Sarah Fuckabee Slanders tried to downplay the major warning sign by saying, “Look, no offense to this [Republican] candidate, but she’s no Donald Trump,” to which the candidate said, “Yeah bitch that’s why I won.” (Also, side-note: Is the Republicans’ new strategy for sowing party unity to just insult all their candidates? Seems legit.)

Similarly, a New York State Assembly special election yesterday ended in another loss for Republicans, as the position — which had been held by the party for nearly four decades — went squarely to a Democrat.

Finally, to cap off the day, a federal judge ruled against the Trump administration’s attempt to deny funding to Planned Parenthood — and Trump’s pick to run the U.S. Department of Veteran’s Affairs is being accused by more than 20 staffers of being a druggie alcoholic who sleeps on the job.

So yeah: All in all, it was a good night … for Hillary Clinton and late night comedians.

 

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