Worried your giant Madonna shrine in your living room isn’t creepy enough? Don’t worry! Now you can purchase extremely intimate possessions once owned by Madonna so that your shrine will have the intrusive and psychotic touch it so desperately needs! More specifically, a few materials once owned by the Material Girl/Woman/Lady are now going up for auction, thanks to a judge’s decision, made public yesterday, which ruled against Madonna keeping the goods for herself.
The problem? The personal items in question are a lock of her hair, her underwear, and a breakup letter from her ex-boyfriend, the definitely-still-alive Tupac Shakur.
Girl, if our breakup letters ever went up for auction, we’d be embarrassed as hell — so we feel for Madge in this sitch. But unfortunately for Madge, her breakup letter is a literal letter and not just a two-text exchange consisting of “We need to take a break” and “K,” followed by three weeks of non-communication and then a dick pic.
In the letter, which actually provides some insight into the mechanics of a high-profile interracial relationship in the early ‘90s, Tupac delineates his reasons for dropping Madonna from his life.
“For you to be seen with a black man wouldn’t in any way jeopardise your career,” he wrote. “If anything it would make you seem that much more open & exciting. But for me at least in my previous perception I felt due to my ‘image’ I would be letting down half of the people who made me what I thought I was. I never meant to hurt you.”
Of course, Tupac’s real downfall ended up being P. Diddy, who allegedly had a hand in the rapper’s 1996 death — and then got super rich and left everyone in his life in the dust.
Wow. What a downer. But how about that underwear, huh?? That would be pretty fun to add to your shrine! For your own personal copy, just suddenly raise millions of dollars and outsell hundreds of other potential buyers today!