Russell Crowe’s ‘Divorce Auction’ Includes Used Leather Jockstrap, More

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Ever fantasized about smelling Russell Crowe’s used jock strap? What about OWNING it? Well, you’re in luck, pervert.

As part of a “divorce auction” to sell off a bunch of items he owned with his ex-wife, Crowe is auctioning off — among other things — a leather jock strap that he wore in the boxing drama Cinderella Man. So, if you’ve ever had a crush on Russell Crowe — which is totally possible if you were alive in 2001, or if you saw the gay Aussie drama The Sum of Us — then this is your chance to sniff his junk.

The divorce auction, which Crowe says is a collaboration with his ex-wife, will feature a mixture of the mundane (see: Crowe’s cricket memorabilia) and the mysterious (see: a Muhammad Ali plaster relief life cast.) And in addition to selling the usual wacko celebrity possessions (like a Cretaceous Period reptile skull once owned by Leonardo DiCaprio), Crowe will hock a number of items from his best (and worst) movies.

The movie souvenirs range from sexy, like said jockstrap, to decidedly unsexy, like the ice skates he wore in the hockey comedy Mystery, Alaska. Similarly, the items also range from Oscar-winning, like Crowe’s armor and prop horses in Gladiator, to slightly less Oscar-winning, like, Crowe’s chain mail from the 2010 snorefest Robin Hood. Plus, if you’re broke AF and into year-round winter fashion, then you can even get your hands on the scarf Crowe wore in the plodding journalism thriller State of Play! Then you can, like … pretend you’re sniffing his neck, we guess? Honestly, if you’re considering even one of these items, then you’re already living off the beaten path — so you might as well go crazy.

Oh, and there’s even a “fully functioning Roman chariot” from Gladiator, in case you want to finally act out that fantasy of getting spanked by a man in full gladiator armor as you drive a fully functioning Roman chariot with an old leather jock strap tied around your face, while a plaster relief life cast of Muhammad Ali sits next to you on the passenger side and cradles a Cretaceous Period reptile skull in his lap! Oh, and you’ll all have scarves.

The private collection will be auctioned by Sotheby’s Australia on April 7. A date of particular note being this is the actor’s birthday and his wedding anniversary.

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