It’s A Sin: Ranking Met Gala’s ‘Heavenly Bodies,’ Earthbound Flops

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Considering the Met Gala theme this year was Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, we really shouldn’t be surprised that Monday night’s event looked like a seminary school graduation organized by Elton John.

As per usual, the Gala attracted hundreds of celebs to its pearly gates to display their heavenly bodies and force us to imagine them in situations that were definitely not Catholic. For instance, the Black Panther himself, Chadwick Boseman, had us panting with his white suit, gold-embroidered pants, and crème-smooth cape complete with giant crosses over his breasts, a.k.a. Christian nipple pasties.

In fact, Our Lady Madonna’s veiled face and crown of crosses this year was not even the most stunning output of the Gala. That distinction might go to Rihanna, who donned a jewel-encrusted mitre (a.k.a. Pope Hat) to rock a Good Pope Gone Bad Look.

In other news, Rihanna just secured a guest spot in season two of The Young Pope as a protagonist in Jude Law’s wet dream.

Recent-ish Oscar-winner Frances McDormand was a showstopper. She rocked a Valentino cape and a feathery, turquoise Philip Treacy headpiece which partially obscured her gorgeous mug. She told fashion reporters it took her five minutes to pull her look together. Bravo!

However, not everyone was a winner. We also had Katy Perry attempting some sort of strange, embarrassing image rehab by dressing up like a slutty angel.

We imagine Perry’s angel wings ended up being a form of natural selection — a built-in Darwinian adaptation that knocked out the weak every time she turned 45 degrees.

As for our personal favorite Met costume, that would be Master of None star Lena Waithe’s rainbow flag cape and simple black suit, which reminded the Met Gala’s complacent heteros that the Catholic Church was still a patriarchal and homophobic organization fueled by greed and corruption.

That being said, we can bet that Monday night’s event was the closest most of these celebs have ever gotten to being religious, other than that time they went to Chrissy Teigen’s house for a private viewing of Jesus Christ Superstar. Forever and ever amen.

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