We’re deep into Act Two of Lord of the Queens: The Fellowship of the Rim, and the heterosexuals have begun to advance on Ian McKellen the Gay in the fire mines of Hollywood. But he has not given up hope. Instead of escaping from Hollywood with his friend Rupertwise Everettgee, Ian McKellen the Gay has turned to the giant, cowardly Movie Executive Demon and cried:
“You shall not pinkwash!!”
In a candid, cranky interview with Time Out, McKellen decried Hollywood pinkwashing — for example, Jude Law’s Dumbledore in Fantastic Beasts 2 — by saying, “Well, nobody looks to Hollywood for social commentary, do they? They only recently discovered that there were black people in the world.”
He continued, “Hollywood has mistreated women in every possible way throughout history. Gay men don’t exist.”
Yasss! Pop off, Gandalf!
McKellen then contended that “half of Hollywood is gay” — which, duh — and recounted the time when he came out to the legendary movie producer Sam Spiegel, only to promptly be kicked out of Spiegel’s office. What’s worse is that McKellen’s meeting companion, the straight playwright Harold Pinter, refused to stick up for McKellen at the time.
“It took Pinter 25 years to apologize for not sticking up for me,” added McKellen.
But everyone in that story is dead now except for McKellen, so all we’re hearing is, “Straight people are stupid and gay people are immortal.”
McKellen also revealed that he is frequently mistaken for Albus Dumbledore, the all-powerful wizard principal of the Harry Potter series. This makes us desperately want a crossover mashup of Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter in which Dumbledore runs a school for hobbits and wages war against the evil wizard Volde-Orc.
The interview was to promote the new documentary McKellen: Playing the Part, in which McKellen opens up about his long career and years of gay activism, in addition to serving up piping hot tea. Playing the Part will be broadcast live to cinemas nationwide on Sunday May 27.