Besides Eureka, Monet was the liveliest queen left on Drag Race — and yet Ru decided to boot Monet instead of Kameron Why-chaels last night. The fuck? Is Ru just keeping her on because of her abs? The most interesting thing Kameron did this season was utter two sentences in a confessional instead of one, but she got to stay because … Why? Because she got over her paralyzing fear of straight people?? Naw. Monet did the best Maya Angelou we have ever goddamn seen. And she was goddamn funnier than Miz Cracker! Goddamn! Sorry, we’re heated.
Still, Kameron had some competition for “most likely to be on narcotics” in the form of 13 Reasons Why’s Miles Heizer, who didn’t seem to know where he was or what show he was on. “I’m so excited to be here,” he droned, reading a prepared statement. The most passionate he got was when he announced in a monotone, “I’m going to have to disagree with Ross,” thus eliciting a horrified gasp from fellow guest judge Lizzo.
He was the low (or technically high?) point in an episode with few low points, as the season’s tenth outing, “Social Media Kings Into Queens,” paired competitors with popular social media influencers in the series’ best makeover challenge to date. The episode also featured a mini challenge involving “trade” looks, as well as a music video for Ru’s new song “Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent,” which should be immediately destroyed so that the aliens can never unearth it and think it represents us as a society.
That being said, here are this week’s tops and bottoms.
Monet X Change — “Their dresses were both green. The end.” Who knew that this would be Monet’s death sentence? Truly, Monet is the only eliminated queen this season who we’d actively lobby to return for All Stars 4. But at least she has birthed a child, Shor’ Change, who can now go out into the world and bring honor to the House of Change.
Tyler Oakley — Beside Frankie Grande, he was the only influencer we recognized. Side-note: An “influencer” is someone who makes hashbrowns, right?
Miz Cracker — Cracker was paired with one of the episode’s two heterosexuals, Chester See — but unlike Kameron, she didn’t See him as a threat. (See what we did there?) Side-note: Who knew there were so many hetero influencers? We had no idea that there were straight people out there who loved attention as much as we do.
Asia O’Hara — It was extremely gracious of Asia to remain friendly towards Raymond Braun after he picked out that hideous coat. It was even more gracious that she made another hideous coat to match it.
Lizzo – We’ve been fans of the guest judge forever. OK, two years. If you don’t know her music, get into it. Like yesterday.
Eureka — We love how enamored Eureka was with her own “strategy” of pairing queens with influencers. Essentially, her “strategy” was just “I’m going to pair together people of different races and then take Frankie Grande because he’s the most famous.” She only did well because, as Cracker put it, Frankie was already in drag.
Kameron Michaels — Honestly, if this bitch doesn’t sacrifice a baby on the runway next week, then she needs to go. We have better things to do than to watch this queen have the first human conversations of her life on our TV screens.
Aquaria — Aquaria started out this episode strong — and by that, we mean she had a nervous breakdown. Honestly, we weren’t surprised that Aquaria only lasted one episode of being nice to the other queens before reverting back to being a narcissistic psychobitch. We also love that she criticized the very show that was making her famous by complaining about Ru’s elimination strategies. We wonder if that will bite her in the tuck. (It will.)
Miss Vanjie — This must end.