Bey Slays: Beyonce Reunites Destiny’s Child, Dominates Coachella

Entertainment, Featured  

It’s cute that Leonardo DaVinci ever thought his Vitruvian Man would be considered the gold standard of human perfection. After Bey’s superhuman Coachella performance and “surprise” Destiny’s Child reunion yesterday, it might be time to update DaVinci’s illustration of “ideal human proportions” with Beyonce’s face and a lapel mic.

Of course, we already knew that Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter was the closest thing our society had to a living goddess — but her performance yesterday officially cemented her status as the 21st century’s humanoid apotheosis of flawlessness. In addition to memorizing and nailing two hours of non-stop transitions and demanding choreography, she did it all without breaking a sweat. It also appears that she paid someone to freezeframe every microsecond of her performance so that she could ensure every single face she made in the two hours was attractive. (She learned her lesson at the 2013 Super Bowl.)

Artistically, Bey’s performance was just as successful. She decked out her main stage with a tiered, towering set of bleachers boasting dozens of dancers and a brass band, thus recreating the pep rallies of your high school days but more fabulously. And if that weren’t enough to ensure Bey’s performance went down in herstory, there was the small fact that she was the first-ever black female performer to headline Coachella.

Technically, though, she was sharing that honor with Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, who joined Bey for an extravagant, intricately-paced reunion that recreated the chemistry of Destiny’s Child’s heyday. The reunion, which had long been rumored by thirsty fans — before being ultimately denied by Bey herself — was the ultimate bit of fan service, a nice reminder of Bey’s humble origins as the lead singer of one of the most bestselling female pop vocal groups of all time.

Oh, and she also performed with Jay-Z at one point, but he never flied across the crowd or growled “Suck on my balls” at any point, so his inclusion was not as earth-shattering as Beyonce’s truly record-breaking and history-making performance. Leonardo DaVinci, get your shit together.


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