I don’t think you’re ready for this gossip …
Sorry. Now that’s out of our system, we can bite into the jelly center of this story. Destiny’s Child, a.k.a. the #1 “Survivor” of the First Recorded Mass Extinction of Beloved Late ’90s/Early Aughts Pop Bands, is rumored to be planning a comeback show at none other than Coachella.
Previously known as the birthplace of the questionable Native American headpiece, Coachella will now become a celebration of independent womanhood when Destiny’s Child ALLEGEDLY appears in front of a hoard of drugged out millennials at the 2018 Coachella Music Festival.
Let’s examine the clues …
Exhibit A: Beyonce recently shared a picture of herself wearing an AC/DC shirt, with only the “DC” part showing, which is likely a reference to “Destiny’s Child” and not the singer’s love for the DC Superhero Universe.
Exhibit B: Michelle Williams (no, not THAT Michelle Williams) recently shared an outfit from her performance at the 2013 Super Bowl … which, as you may recall, featured a halftime performance from none other than DESTINY’S CHILD.
Exhibit C: LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett, both Original Children of Destiny, have been suddenly sharing throwback photos of their D.C. days. Additionally, Roberson recently tweeted, “I have so much to tell you guys! All I’m allowed to say right now is.. never mind.” And while the idea of a public reunion with Roberson and Luckett — who were mercilessly kicked out of D.C. on live television — is LOL-worthy, it’s still enticing.
Despite all this, however, Beyonce is denying that there will be any Destiny’s Child reunion at Coachella. But we’re going to choose to believe that she’s only saying that to build up to an inevitable dramatic reveal. Instead of popping open her jacket to reveal a baby bump, however, she will pop open her jacket to release Kelly, Michelle, LaTavia and LeToya — who, both overjoyed and saddened to be released from the safety of Beyonce’s breast, will then dance into history.