Draft Dodger Trump Wants Military Propaganda Parade

Featured, Politics  

In a move that is drawing Hitler comparisons, Prezzie Donnie J is reportedly attempting to instate mandatory military parades to honor how great he and our country are.

“A classic early Hitler move,” tweeted Oscar winner Patricia Arquette.

“Brought to you by the 5x draft dodger,” wrote former Wall Street executive Amy Siskind.

First of all, we don’t really understand where these Hitler comparisons are coming from. Yes, Donald is attempting to assemble a fascist empire — there’s no doubt about that — but wasn’t Hitler, like, smart? And didn’t his inner circle, like, like him? While it’s terrifying that someone like DJ can swoop in, terrorize our country, and become the most powerful man in the world, it’s rather unlikely that he’s going to amass the same overwhelming power that Hitler ever did. He’s on the brink of a second (and historic) government shutdown, he’s only passed one major bit of legislation (a tax cut that made him even richer), and he’s only successfully gaslighted 25% of the country. The rest of us aren’t falling so easily.

Second, nothing about America is great right now — but, of course, y’all knew that.

Reportedly, Donald gave orders to instate “parades like the one in France,” according to an unnamed official who was speaking on condition of anonymity to the Washington Post. Honestly, this is probably the most interest our President has ever shown in international politics. But then the unnamed official added: “This is being worked at the highest levels of the military.”

We’re going to consider that addendum to be some top-ranked sarcastic military shade. Thank you for your service, Unnamed Official.

Also, if the President is trying to show how much better and unique our country is, then why would he need to copy from another country?? Plus, France’s Bastille Day is not a parade to demonstrate the country’s military might; it’s a parade to celebrate the country’s history. 45’s utter lack of understanding of the world around him knows no bounds.

In any case, this planned military parade is probably going to actually happen, and y’all can bet that there will be even less fans present than at Trump’s inauguration. Cut to: Sarah Suckabee Sanders claiming, “That was the largest audience to witness an expensive and completely unnecessary military parade, period.”

And if you’d like to read some more of America’s tweets about this impending disaster, click here.

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