Let’s all thank the Hollywood Foreign Press for handing our favorite celebrities free booze last night, because we have now been blessed with a number of high quality moments that might actually go down in history.
First there’s Future President of the United States Oprah Winfrey, who had people standing and cheering before she could even finish her damn speech. According to her close friends, Winfrey is actually planning to run for office in 2020 — and after her acceptance speech for the Cecil B. DeMille award, we’re predicting that her campaign slogan will be “A New Day Is on the Horizon” (if it’s not already “EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!”)
“I want all the girls watching here now to know that a new day is on the horizon,” she proclaimed, her voice rising. “And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say ‘Me too’ again.”
She hasn’t formally announced yet that RuPaul will be her running mate, but we’re assuming she’s just waiting until the right moment. A close second could be Billy Eichner, who piggybacked off of host Seth Meyers’ “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment with a jab at Kevin Spacey.
“Call Me By Your Name is nominated for Best Motion Picture. It is a gay coming of age film,” started Meyers, setting Eichner up.
Added Eichner: “Said Kevin Spacey, ‘You lost me at ‘of age.’”
Speaking of sexual harassment, that was a major theme of the night, with both men and women wearing black and sporting “Time’s Up” pins to protest, respectively, sexual misbehavior and gender inequality in America.
Adding to the spirit of progress, several A-Listers including Emma Watson, Meryl Streep and Michelle Williams showed up to the event with women’s rights activists such as Marai Larasi, a.k.a. the executive director of the British feminist network Imkaan. This trend inspired The New York Times, of all publications, to expertly shade Kendall Jenner.
Along with a picture of Watson and Larasi hugging and furthering women’s rights just a few feet away from Jenner mugging and fixing her hair, the Times wrote:
“Emma Watson poses on the Golden Globes red carpet with Marai Larasi, the executive director of the black feminist anti-violence organization Imkaan.
Oh, and Kendall Jenner.”
Additionally, Babs Streisand used her time in the spotlight to call out gender disparity among Hollywood directors. When an announcer introduced her by saying she was the first and only woman to have won a directing Golden Globe (for Yentl), she paused before adding, “You know, that was 1984. That was 34 years ago. Folks — time’s up!” And then she won the Internet.
There were also some good jabs at Trump, of course, with Seth Meyers giving his own shoutout to the Hollywood Foreign Press.
“Give it up for the Hollywood Foreign Press, a string of three words that could not have been better designed to infuriate our President,” he said. “Hollywood. Foreign. Press. The only name that would make him angrier would be the ‘Hillary Mexico Salad Association.”
And then Frances McDormand made us miss Hillary all over again when she thanked the HFPA in her acceptance speech for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.
“I’m still not quite sure who they are when I run into them for the last 35 years, but I love seeing their faces,” she said. “And let’s face it, they managed to elect a female president. I’m just saying.”
So we’ll say it louder for the check cashing center down the block:
Oprah and RuPaul 2020! Everyone gets a car! And bread! And every meeting of the United Nations will have mandatory lip sync competitions!
Go ahead and admit it: You want that more than anything.
BTW, the big winners of the night were Three Billboards with 4 awards, Lady Bird with 2. And, one of our faves, The Shape of Water winning Best Director for Guillermo del Toro.