71-Year-Old Fast Foodie Trump In ‘Excellent Health’ Claims Doctor

Featured, Politics  

As you may have heard, the President recently called several countries “shitholes” in a bipartisan meeting about immigration last week — and, somehow, THIS was the moment many people realized our president is a racist. (Never mind the man’s birtherism, “Pocahontas” jokes, and literal sympathy for Nazis. Apparently, he had to say a curse word to make people say, “Oh, maybe he’s not such a great guy after all.”)

Anyway, President Shithole just had his annual presidential physical, and — surprise, surprise — he’s in “excellent health.” (This definitely doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that presidents have total control over whatever their physician tells the press.) Or the fact that zero basic information was released to the public – blood pressure, weight, cholesterol levels (no news is good news, fellow McDonald’s binge-eaters!) or which tests were performed.

In reality, the doctor probably wrote this statement while pocketing a cool $5K and submitting Trump’s files to the CDC as proof that it is, somehow, possible to live with fifteen life-threatening conditions at once. (“I’ve never seen anything like it. Subject is medically dead, but still possesses a vocabulary of 25 distinct English words.”)

Anyway, the rest of the Internet made sure to ask some very important questions about Trump’s health as soon as he saw his doctor, such as: “Did he check Trump’s shithole?” and “I wonder how it felt when the doctor stuck his finger up Trump’s shithole?”

Also, Time just released its cover art for a story on Trump’s first year in office — and it’s not, unfortunately, just a picture of a dumpster fire. But it’s pretty close. It’s a picture of Trump’s shitty blonde combover growing into a giant scorching wildfire that is threatening to destroy everything around it. So, like, it’s a pretty accurate description of Trump’s effect on our country.

If you liked that, then the artist’s other scathing designs for Time can be found here.

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