Jones Trumps Hate: Homophobe, Pedophile, Racist Moore Loses

Featured, Politics  

You guys, Donald Trump finally did a good thing! Thanks to his amoral, depraved stumping for Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, Trumpy actually managed to mobilize Alabaman activists and celebrities to rally support for Moore’s opponent, Doug Jones — who surprised the nation when he won the Senate seat Tuesday.

Roy Moore, who actually rode to the polls on horseback, amazingly, refused to admit that his pedophilia hadn’t won the entire state to his side, and respectfully declined to concede the election to his opponent. (J/k … it wasn’t respectful. It was delusional.)

“It’s not over … It’s going to take some time,” said Moore, after the election had already been called my several major media outlets.

His campaign manager, Rich Hobson, insisted the votes had not all been counted yet, and encouraged Moore supporters to pray for a win.

By all accounts, they’re still praying, but there’s no doubt that Trump’s and Moore’s combined toxicity was the reason that progressive activists around the country decided to reach out to black voters in Alabama and encourage them to vote for Jones. Charmed alum Alyssa Milano, who used her Twitter profile to raise national awareness over the Senate race, filmed herself driving voters to the polls — at least one of whom had never voted before in her life.

Trump, of course, pretended Wednesday morning that he had never expressed confidence in Moore’s ability to win — even going so far as to say the deck had been “stacked against him.” This was no doubt an attempt to deflect any wounds to his already bruised ego.


So there you have it: Alabamans — who haven’t had a Democratic senator in roughly 25 years — have come out against a man who thinks homosexuality should be illegal, women shouldn’t vote, Muslims shouldn’t be in Congress, and slavery is cool. Oh yeah, and he’s a pedophile. So our country isn’t completely broken, and you can finish your breakfast knowing that society won’t devolve into a post-apocalyptic warzone until the 2018 midterms. 

And here’s the awesome front page of the New York Daily News:


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