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‘All Stars 3’ Finale Winner Surprises Exactly No One

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Are we the only ones who felt like this season of All Stars was less a roller coaster of highest highs and lowest lows, and more a leisurely car ride of middlest middles? Did we really need another All Stars in the first place, less than two years after the second All Stars? Did we really need to crown Trixie Mattel to know she’s the spiritual heir to Alaska?

For these answers and more, look no further than VH1’s thirsty bank account — because hunty, they are squeezing as much money out of this franchise as possible. Eventually, VH1 will order so many seasons of All Stars that there will have to be an All Stars for the winners of All Stars.

We’re not complaining (yet), but it is hard to get excited for the impending Season 10 premiere next week when we’ve barely recovered from this season. But with that being said, we’re going to painstakingly attempt to point out highs and lows from this season finale so that we can prove our own theory wrong that this was the least roller coaster-y season of Drag Race yet. After all, even the most boring season of Drag Race is better than the best season of The Bachelor. Yup, we said it!

Episode 8 GIF by RuPaul's Drag Race - Find & Share on GIPHY

Highs:

  • Ru’s Dippin Dots inspired suit at the top of the episode.
  • Ru’s off-the-shoulder purple dress when she announced the maxi challenge to an empty Judges Panel.
  • The ambitious maxi challenge, which involved the queens writing a verse, choreographing an accompanying dance number, and debuting the performance live in a single take tracking shot. Extra kudos to whoever directed this.
  • This line from the maxi challenge, c/o Kennedy Davenport: “Fell your puss down deep in your soul”
  • Trixie’s moment during the maxi challenge when she ran through a tunnel of arcing hairspray.
  • Milk’s crocheted deliberation dress, which depicted her entrails cascading out of her stomach.
  • Kennedy slowly sliding down into a perfect split while lip syncing for her legacy.
  • Trixie genuinely bringing the EMOTION while lip syncing for HER legacy. (Honestly, with Trixie bringing the simple drama and Kennedy doing a gymnastics routine behind her, this was like Latrice Royale versus Kenya Michaels all over again.)
  • Ru tearing up and calling RuPaul’s Drag Race the pinnacle of her career.

 

Lows:

  • Bebe having an entire storyline about being afraid to kick her legs up in the air during a group dance – BUT THEN NOT EVEN NAILING THE MOVE AS AN INSPIRATIONAL TWIST ENDING.
  • Bebe’s “dance” for the maxi challenge, which started in a sweatshop staffed by sexy dancers and ended with her twerking in front of a prison gate.
  • Bebe pontificating during the “Jury of Queers” deliberation about her reasons for not revealing who she would have eliminated when she was in the Top 2.
  • Bebe being pontifical in general.
  • Literally just Bebe.

Episode 8 GIF by RuPaul's Drag Race - Find & Share on GIPHY

Quotes:

Bebe, on the return of the eliminated queens: “I think they’re probably going to be dancers.”

Shangela in confessional: “Of course she thinks they’re going to be dancers. BeBe thinks we’re all backup dancers.”

 

Trixie: “It’s OK to get butterflies in your stomach. You just teach them to fly in perfect formation.”

Episode 8 GIF by RuPaul's Drag Race - Find & Share on GIPHY

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