In ancient times, the key to a city actually meant something. Whenever a friendly dignitary visited a city, that city would give them a functional key that opened the city’s gates. The city was essentially saying, “Hey dude, we trust you not to break in and murder our wives and children or draw giant dicks on our faces at night.”
But now, when mayors give away the keys to their city — as the mayor of West Hollywood is doing to Stormy Daniels today — it means almost nothing. Look no further than the fact that Saddam Freaking Hussein received the key to Detroit in 1980 after he made a donation to a church there. It was also probably because no other living people wanted a key to Detroit.
Cher herself had such little regard for her key to Adelaide, Australia that she sold it for $96,000 on eBay.
So what does it really say that Stormy Daniels, a Sarah Palin-sympathizing, anti-feminist Republican porn star who slept with the most repulsive man in America, is receiving a key to West Hollywood? If anything, it means that the mayor of West Hollywood, John J. Duran, is a stunt queen.
Stormy Daniels, while a beacon of hope for many, is not a hero. But by handing her the key to a city known for its sizable LGBT population — and subsequently blasting news of that gesture out to the media — Duran is reminding the White House that his city will never be a friendly place for Donald Trump.
Tellingly, Duran has made sure to mention in his press release for “Stormy Daniels Day” that West Hollywood is a Sanctuary City, a.k.a. a major thorn in Trump’s side. He has also made sure to mention that the Passing of the Key will take place in the “adult boutique” named for gay porn director Chi Chi LaRue.