Elton John and Eminem have finally taken their relationship to the next level. Remember when they went official at the 2001 Grammys by hugging and holding hands after performing “Stan?” Well, Elton has been hinting for the past sixteen years that the real Slim Shady needed to finally stand up and prove he was willing to make more of a commitment — and now he finally has! Em has picked out a ring!!! Well, two rings. Well, and they’re actually cock rings. Well, and they’re actually not dating at all and this was just a really fun hypothetical situation for a few sentences. So uh … yeah. Elton recently revealed on “The Graham Norton Show” that Eminem sent him and his life partner David Furnish some diamond-encrusted cock rings on a velvet cushion after their civil partnership ceremony in 2005.
They’re $500 cock rings, though, so that’s cool we guess? And Elton tried to say it was proof that Eminem wasn’t homophobic, which … OK. We guess it’s technically proof that Eminem was officially declaring his approval of gay sex, but it’s not like the 2005 version of Eminem wouldn’t have shit his pants if Elton had sent him a cock ring. (“Is he coming on to me?? Does this make me gay?” he would have freestyled to himself in the mirror.) Thankfully, as Eminem has shown time and time again — most recently with his freestyle about the Trump administration at the BET Awards — he’s a bit more progressive these days.
Speaking of Eminem actually making music, his new album, Revival, is set to come out December 15. And his first single, “Walk on Water,” which dropped recently, features none other than Beyonce on the hook. (Seriously, Beyonce? You’re worth way more than a four line hook.) The single itself, however, is pretty blah. In it, Eminem describes himself as some sort of B-side wannabe Jesus who can only walk on water when it’s frozen. It’s supposed to be an artful metaphor, but it comes off more like a science lesson about how water works. Check it out for yourself here. It will at least give you your daily dose of Beyonce before you go back to playing “All Night” on repeat until The Lion King comes out.
Elton has also been busy. We gagged over his hilarious portrayal of some kind of heightened ultra-bitchy version of himself in the last Kingsman movie. Here’s a quick (weird bootleg) clip: