Trump And His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Monday

Featured, Politics  

If you’re having a bad Monday, then just take comfort knowing that President Trump is having the Mondayest of Mondays. In addition to currently rocking the lowest approval ratings of his presidency and of any modern presidency ever, for that matter — he just hit a major roadblock in his quest to make America straight again.

Namely, a federal appeals court ruled today that the 1964 Civil Rights Act prohibits anti-gay discrimination in the workplace, which flies in the face of the Trump administration’s former argument to the contrary. Fans of political shitshows may recall that the Justice Department announced last July that the federal government should have the right to discriminate against employees based on their sexual orientation. Thus, today’s decision was essentially the federal appeals court’s version of saying, “Take several seats, girl” and throwing a Pinot Grigio in Trump’s face.

And if that weren’t enough, Trump hit yet another setback with the Supreme Court today. This morning, our country’s highest court declined to hear an appeal from the Trump administration that challenged a recent ruling allowing DACA to continue. This gives Congress a bit more time to figure out a bipartisan deal on DACA, which honestly has taken so long that all of the DACA kids have probably already grown up and retired by now.

On top of ALL this, Cadet Bone Spurs had the audacity to say he would have charged into the Parkland high school to confront the shooter. Without a gun. Bitch, please.

So there you have it, folks: a Trump triple whammy. We can only hope that Cheeto Hitler is currently waist deep in Big Macs eating his feelings and watching a supercut of all the times he received a standing ovation. Poor baby. Hopefully someone brings him his pacifier (which is just a Ring Pop laced with Adderall.)

(Cut to: Omarosa laughing maniacally because her last act of rebellion before getting dragged from the White House was to steal Trump’s pacifier.)

(Cut to: Trump, screaming and crying because he doesn’t have his pacifier, then shitting himself, falling asleep, and dreaming that he’s on a Ferris wheel making out with Vladimir Putin.)

We also can’t help but wonder: WTF is Jeff Sessions doing with his life? Has he just been golfing since July? Because he obviously hasn’t gotten on the same page as anyone in the Supreme Court or federal courts since he joined the Cabinet. The only explanation for their extreme disagreements must be that he’s missed all of their Facetime meetings because he doesn’t know how his phone works.

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