Trump’s New National Anthem Lyrics Revealed

Featured, Politics  

Despite years of insisting that he’s the most patriotic man on this planet, Donald Trump has still not learned the words to “God Bless America.” At his non-traditional, hastily organized “Celebration of America” event Tuesday, he fumbled over the words as he tried to sing along with a men’s chorus rendition of the age-old tune. He didn’t even appear to say “watermelon motherfucker” over and over again. He just mouthed a bunch of nonsense words on national television.

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Of course, savvy viewers knew this was because Trump’s supposed patriotism had just been a pretense for perpetuating racist ideologies. (See: Trump pushing the Obama birther movement, Trump requiring NFL players to stand during the national anthem.) But it’s still jarring to know that Trump does not know the words to a song that most children in the U.S. are forced to listen to every other morning in elementary school.

The “Celebration of America” event only came into being at the last minute after most of the Philadelphia Eagles refused to make the customary White House visit that Super Bowl winners usually make, so it probably shouldn’t be a surprise that Trump didn’t have enough time to learn the words to the song. (Where is that darn teleprompter when you need one?) But we’re not cutting him any slack. Instead, we’ve transcribed what we believe are the words that actually came out of his mouth:


“Hot Miss America

Clam that I love

Stand beside her and grope her

Though she might be uncool so watch out


From the mountains

To the prairies

To the oceans

White with foam

Hot Miss America

Will not want to bone


Then she’ll call you

A sexual predator

To the lawyers

On the phone

That Bitch Miss America

Will put you in the friend zone”

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