Mueller Might Have Just Flipped Flynn, D-Bag Son

Featured, Politics  

Oh, Robert Mueller. He sniffs out collusion like the world’s sexiest bloodhound. “How is Robert Mueller sexy,” you ask? Well, honestly, there aren’t many men who can make jowls sexy. But Robert Mueller is attempting to save our country and that automatically makes everything about him sexy. Thus, with the nose of a bloodhound and the heart of a warrior, Mueller is Making Jowls Sexy Again.

In his latest display of sexiness, Mueller has zeroed in on one-time National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and his son, Michael Flynn, Jr. for their potential failure to register as foreign agents after receiving income from overseas dealings. And judging by Flynn’s lawyers’ recent decision to stop sharing information with Trump’s legal team, Mueller may have convinced Flynn and his son to save their asses and cooperate.

Of course, lawyers can stop sharing information in a variety of situations, such as when the lawyers are attempting to negotiate with prosecutors. Flynn’s lawyers may have also ended their information-sharing arrangement due to concerns over potential conflicts of interest with Trump’s lawyers.

However, CNN recently reported that Flynn was “concerned” about his grown-ass 34-year-old son’s potential legal exposure in the Mueller investigation, which further suggests that Flynn, Sr.’s goose is cooked. In all likelihood, Flynn may have been worried that his “super chill,” super privileged son wouldn’t be able to hold his pee during Mueller’s team’s interrogations.  

In any case, Mueller’s actions are seriously pissing off right-wingers, and even more of them are calling for his resignation. Some congresspeople have attempted to cast doubt on Mueller’s objectivity, even though he’s a Republican who was formerly appointed by a Republican and served on a Republican administration. Moreover, the Wall Street Journal editorial board has accused Mueller of knowingly allowing the Obama administration to engage in shady deals with the Russians when he was director of the FBI, even though Mueller likely would have investigated the deals and prosecuted some bitches had he ever opened a case into it.

Whatever. They’re probably all just jealous of his jowls. But since we all want to see more of Mueller, we’re going to go ahead and text “resist” to 50409 and ask our representatives to support legislation that would protect Mueller from being fired by President Trump. You should, too: It’s important to stand by your man!


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